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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

You may remember my recent post "The Advantages of PayPal". I expressed my dislike for unnecessarily going to the bank when I can avoid it. I mean who wants to spend their lunch break standing in a queue and paying for something on ebay while being depressed you're not somewhere else? Not me!

Anyway, today I feel very silly because I remembered something.

There is such a thing as Netbanking! And direct transfer as long as you have the BSB number of the person you need to pay.


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Thursday, August 23, 2007

This post was inspired by the Amazon Women On The Moon segment "Bullshit Or Not?"

Become Invisible

This has everything. Check it out. Importantly, it states this is intended to be used for MORAL PURPOSES ONLY. WTF?

Helping the poor invisibly? Sneaking into people's houses and doing their dishes? I could go on...

Plus as a bonus, you get "The secrets of sexual seduction". Wow. Sexual seduction. As opposed to sporting seduction.

Here are some of the claims (read very loud, red exclamation points everywhere)
  • The inexpensive aroma that makes women DESIRE you
  • Gorilla tactics - seduction for your home and car
Sounds classy yes? Gorilla. Okay...either that's a sneaky play on words or I don't want to know. I just don't. Okay I've got a mental picture now. Thanks.

Plus as an added bonus you get "The Wizard's Book of Animal Secrets"

The claims?
  • Bring dead creatures BACK TO LIFE!
Perhaps they are referring to the gorilla.

Plus invaluable tips on keeping a squirrel in your pocket. You never know when this might come in handy.

An invisible man... meets and seduces a woman... using the power of a pocket squirrel.

Everyone should buy this. Seriously. Only $24.95 (AUS $31.02)

Bullshit Or Not?

The answer is obvious, of course.

If not, would you like to buy my all new just-been-released invisibility / spy / make money online / be irresistible to women ebook? Only $59.95 - postage is free due to digital delivery. Contact me asap if you are interested. ;-)

P.S. The seller's feedback says it all. The first entry reads "I have blowed my money on dumber shit." I rest my case.

P.P.S. The most disturbing thing of all is that some of those who left feedback said it actually worked. ?!?!?!?!?!

Monday, August 20, 2007

This morning I encountered the first sign of blossoms beginning to peer out from the frostiest winter I can remember. In fact, winter can f___ off. Now is the time to count down the days until spring arrives to thaw us all out.

On my journey this morning I thought I had discovered some mystical crop circles in a field. It turned out to be the work of an ordinary hoon doing creative burnouts on grass.

For some reason this brings me to the whole "Kevin Rudd was caught going into a strip club" furore.

1. Who cares?
2. Who cares?
3. Refer to points 1. and 2.

I mean really, are we that repressed that we can't accept politicians being human? I myself have been too drunk to remember being dragged into a strip club by nefarious friends. And I'm a girl. What amazes me is that people are discussing it on radio, on TV, the newspapers scream "Kevin and the Strippers" etc. etc. ad nauseum.

Does nobody remember Malcolm Fraser with his trousers off?

What amuses me is that Alexander Downer may be behind the convenient leak.

What's even more amusing is that if Alexander Downer were with the party at the strip club, he would be more likely to be dancing in a g-string on the podium.

And what's with the wowser mentality in Australia? I'm not saying everyone should go out and get pissed every night but being very drunk on a few occasions in one's life is hardly cause for concern. If parliamentarians were drinking raucously every night and Kevin Rudd turned up drunk to parliament question time, that would be another thing.

And for goodness sake, have we forgotten already? In 1955 Bob Hawke held the beer drinking record 2.5 pints of beer in 11 seconds. Don't try this at home kids.

Can we get back to the real news now?

Monday, August 13, 2007

I've just come up with a concept (I think!)
"Stupid Monday"

It works like this...you write something stupid and...well that's about it.

Think it will catch on?

Anyway, here's my contribution -

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick!


I think I need to lie down.

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Wednesday, August 08, 2007

A few days ago I bid for some more clothing stuff on Ebay. Unfortunately I didn't realise until too late that neither of the items I was bidding on had PayPal as a payment option. Argh! I usually use PayPal because it saves fiddling about with printing out details, going to the Bank of Abu Dhabi (of which there is only one branch 50 km from Melbourne) and so forth.

But what could I do? I had committed to buy. I had forged the sacred bond with the Ebay gods that must never be broken.

So there was nothing for it. I had waited a little longer than usual to pay and each day it seemed more and more impossible to get to the bank. So yesterday was the day. If I didn't pay by 5pm I would be forever branded an Ebay witch and burnt at the Ebay stake.

Unfortunately, this was the day where not only did I have to go to the bank, I didn't have any transport. Not even a lift. So I walked uphill in what seemed like a furious squall. I walked for 20 minutes. So what? You may ask. I walk twenty minutes all the time. However I had to walk UPHILL for 20 minutes, after walking 20 minutes downhill to get there in the first place. Not to mention the 20 minutes I would be walking yet again as soon as I had deposited the Ebay money into the bank.

And you know what my thought was? Over and over again? With every step I took up that f-ing hill?

I should have bid on a PayPal auction. I could have paid with PayPal. All that walking saved. Wind in your ears. Panic in your throat. I could have been sitting back having a cup of tea and a banana. But no. (trudge, trudge) F*ing should have bid on a PayPal auction.

But now I have learned a valuable lesson. The hard way. I'm sure there was an easier way. A friendly email, perhaps? Stumbling onto a blog that speaks of this very thing (chortle, chortle!)
Not walking for 60 whole minutes while it's blowing a gale outside!!!!!!!

(deep breath in)
(deep breath out)
I am calm and relaxed
I am calm and relaxed


I feel better now.

:-) xox

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