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Monday, May 25, 2009

I have been rather unwell of late, which means I have been watching a large amount of TV. In my half-stupor, I have been transfixed, unable to gather up the energy to change the channel - hence my exposure to another informercial.

The "Snuggie".

The Snuggie is amazing. It can keep you warm while providing arm holes so you can (quote / unquote) "move your arms".

Yeah. So can a jumper.

Or a blanket. But according to the infomercial, blankets can apparently "slip and slide". And when you're wearing a blanket and you try to reach for something, your hands are "trapped inside". Really? I was not aware of that. Maybe some people actually do spend a lot of time trapped inside slippery blankets that grip tighter than a strait jacket. It's probably more common than I think.

Here's his holiness now, enjoying a well-earned rest and a snack. Oh no, wait. It's a Snuggie. Papal fashion must be in.

Of course one size fits all. It's a big, shapeless, weird-assed robe.

Note to couples: if anyone sees you wearing this thing they will most likely assume you have joined some whacko religious cult. What they probably won't say to your face is that you look kind of... well... deranged.

Wait a moment. Did they just say "outdoors"? Fine. Just fine. It's just that if your neighbour pops his head over the fence he'll be off calling the police, explaining that members of the Spanish Inquisition are holding a revival in your backyard...

No. Please. Come on. They're wearing these things outside. In public.
At sporting events. Where there are other people.
Oh, the humanity.

Ah, now the commercial is assuring us that the Snuggie is perfect for those drafty dorm rooms.

Yeah? Well they're about to get a whole lot draftier.

Take hormonal school leavers, add beer, add parties and add... a Snuggie? Wow.

What a great way to be on your own every Saturday night...

Repel guys...

...And girls...

And get a serious embarrassment complex leading to problems in interpersonal relationships later in life.

On the bright side, it gives you much more time to study...

So... if you want to embarrass your kids, look like a lost member of a goat-sacrificing cult, the Pope or even a member of the Spanish Inquisition, if being warm is far more important to you than looking like sensible human being, if you think looking hot in College is for squares... and you really don't want to find a partner...


Then what are you waiting for?

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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The idea behind the Australian Government's stimulus package is to increase the cash spent on Australian products, Australian businesses and in Australian communities. "Buy Local" is the catchcry.

According to the NineMSN Managing Money section:

  • A $900 bonus will be paid to taxpayers with taxable income up to and including $80,000.
  • A $600 bonus will be paid to taxpayers with income exceeding $80,000 to $90,000.
  • A $250 bonus will be paid to taxpayers with income exceeding $90,000 to and including $100,000.

Here are some ways you can spend your stimulus money while supporting the local economy:

Book a holiday within Australia.

This is one of the best ways to support the Australian economy. You will be supporting a number of businesses. If you travel by car, you will be supporting petrol stations, roadhouses and restaurants. And lets not forget pubs. The money from your holiday will go to bed & breakfast owners, motels, hotels, pubs and backpackers. If you travel by rail, you will be supporting the rail workers, ticket collectors, drivers and station masters. If you travel by plane, you will be supporting Australian captains, baggage handlers and stewards.

Photo courtesy MaxEphotos.

Local Restaurants and Pubs

This week I have passed a number of restaurants with empty tables and no activity whatsoever. If you want to help the local economy, go to a restaurant and enjoy your meal, knowing that the money goes towards the restaurant staff, owner and manager. Attend a local pub and have a counter meal. See a local band, thus supporting the live music community. In these times, it is a good idea to go out and let one's hair down once in a while.

The People in Your Neighbourhood

Look around your local main street or shopping precinct. You will find hairdressers, beauty salons, clothing shops, bookshops and cafes. Look in your local yellow pages guides. You will find carpenters, window glazers, mechanics, cleaners, gardeners and painters. Enlist some help around the house and help local businesses in the process.

Make Small Changes

If you look around, you can find amazing local produce to replace the generic items you have been buying up until now. Australian made wines and cheeses, vegetables, eggs and delicacies. The Victoria Market has a great selection, or you could try South Melbourne, Chapel St or the equivalent in your state. Visit your local grocer, have fun finding the best produce from local growers. You will be reducing transport costs (good for the environment) and supporting Australian farmers.

Pay off your credit card

Some commentators scoff at this notion. I have two questions. One, what kind of an economy frowns on paying off debt and saving? Two, how did we get into this crisis in the first place? Irresponsible lending by greedy so-and-sos. Another thing that seems to have eluded the critics, if you spend your stimulus money on credit card debt, the bank gets the money. But then your finances are given more freedom. You can use the money you would have spent on credit card repayments on something nice like a road trip or at least a very large pub crawl.

And for those of you who say you don't want the stimulus money? Please donate to this blog using the paypal button and I will promise to spend it in the local community.

You might also be interested in this offer, it seems that the guys at MyShoppingJobs.com are now paying people to go shopping and giving away a bunch of free stuff as well. The Free E-Guide "Get Your Purchases Free" is now available for download.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Alabama plate CD holder

Old West Soda Cap Belt

Washington Fender Purse

Recycling has become chic and Eco Fashion is the new buzzword. Littlearth have created their items through recycling and reusing things that would otherwise have been thrown away. Perhaps this is the beginning of an exciting time in fashion and accessories. I hope that in the future, more designers follow Littlearth's lead.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

I don't know...

Is Twitter good for your blog? I have gained 300 Twitter followers in the last 2 or 3 days - I wonder what that actually means in real terms? What does anything mean anymore? I get around 250-300 emails a day. By the time I've finished deleting and actioning them, I don't have time to post anything!!

And does this make me any money? Well, yes. But that's not the point. I don't have TIME anymore. And that is the thing that is most precious. Especially to a blogger like myself.

I have become a little disillusioned with the whole Twitter/Digg/whatever culture of late. I can't say that I've learned much from other Twitterers so far. However I know this is a growing thing. The news and current affairs programs keep plugging their Twitter pages so perhaps somebody knows something...

Forgive me if I can't see where this is all going as yet. I don't want to be the person who laughed at the formative ideas of the first aeroplane or computer either. It's just that I get a lot of "make money quick I'll show you how." direct messages in Twitter and I'm getting a little tired of them. The most interesting conversation (yes, as in an actual back-and-forth conversation) is completely unprintable. It involved spontaneous outbursts of rude words. I suppose it's kind of equivalent to writing on the toilet door, except it's a bit quicker.

I could possibly hit 1000 Twitter followers by the weekend. But what does that mean? Have I achieved something? What can I do now that I couldn't do last week?

Sometimes I feel like primordial ooze in a council meeting of intelligent alien life forms.

Alien #1: You just whack the doohicky, splat the cosnarp and bang! You're in and you can snark!

Alien #2: That's so easy, I thought you had to grapsact the fookart first.

Alien #3: No dummy, that was in version 2.0 - we've fixed that now.

Primordial Ooze: Shclllurrrp!!!!

Yep, that's my understanding of quite a few things that are happening on the internet at the moment. And I grew up programming computers!!

Sometimes I just want to yell "Just spell it out in plain English!!! I'm sure I can target keywords within a single bound, break the light barrier and create niche markets. I just don't know why the f@%k I'm doing this when I could be sitting out in the sun reading a book!!!

Slowly I will get to understand the technobabble and when I get a spare ten seconds I will actually watch the hundreds of videos and PDFs I have downloaded "to watch later".

But I've realised something...

There is no later!!!!

Decide what you want to do and forget the rest. Life is too short.