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Monday, January 19, 2009

And now, from the people who brought you Paris Hilton and the mankini, please welcome...

Bikijeans!

Or Bikini Jeans

Or "Avert thine eyes because you are about to be frightened severely"


These jeans were actually invented by a Japanese company that obviously thought the tacky g-string showing-over-the-low-rise abomination wasn't enough.

Let's be honest here. I don't care if you're Elle Macpherson, if you wear these jeans it's going to be hideous. And here's food for thought...try sitting down in them. This would of course, introduce a new aspect to the Bikijean - the added bonus of a butt crack!

This just keeps getting better and better. These jeans should come with various warnings such as:

"please refrain from sneezing"
"avoid any seating areas with backless chairs"
"do not eat while wearing these jeans"
"avoid stores with metal racks and sharp objects or you might find yourself caught in a rather embarrassing bind"

Old ladies beware - you are going to get a whole lot grumpier. Actually, I'm beginning to agree with them. I am a grumpy young woman and proud of it! Now, to continue my grump...

This picture above shows a very skinny model in these jeans. It doesn't show her walking, because that would be quite difficult unless you have recently had a Brazilian or don't mind flashing the 'ole sidewinders.

What you see in the photograph is a myth. When you go down to the local fish and chip shop or milk bar you are almost guaranteed to be confronted daily by a Kath & Kim style frightmare. This will not end prettily.


...and you know it won't stop there. I shudder to even ask the question "what's next?"

Apparently these jeans are marketed for an exclusive audience - the "very thin". Hmmm, you know what? I think someone's got a thing about seeing girls' bits. It took a bit of digging but I think I'm on to it now...

Seriously, the Bikijean. Yes or No?





Wednesday, January 07, 2009



My partner told me about how amazing an eggplant parmigiana can be when cooked properly. We decided to try out a 'counter meal' as they are known in Australia - basically a pub meal. The special was eggplant parmigiana and we arrived with anticipation of a mouth watering culinary experience.

WRONG!!

When the meal arrived, we suspected something was not quite right. For a start, my partner received about 4 chips while I received a larger pile. The nearby chicken parmigianas came complete with a mountain of chips and a parmigiana large enough to be a small car's hubcap. Our meal on the other hand, was quite different. The eggplant parmigiana itself was tiny, perhaps the size of an average person's palm. Oh well, I thought, quality not quantity. After tasting the eggplant, I was literally eating my words.

The knife provided was woefully ineffective, I found myself sawing away at this strange piece of boot leather and making little progress. Perhaps a local tree lopper would have come in handy at this point. The eggplant was dry, leathery and thin. It consisted of soggy layers of "batter", eggplant with the skin left on (which had the consistency of old boot) and another layer of soggy batter.

I could not bring myself to finish the meal, instead I dissected it out of curiosity and left it for the waiter to collect. When dissected, I noted it resembled Dalek innards (Dr Who fans will know what I'm talking about!).

When cooked properly, an eggplant parmigiana is thick, juicy, trimmed of skin and crumbed and fried. This science experiment was thin, skin heavy, microwaved back to life (or perhaps the undead), possibly frozen and grilled to within an inch of its life. It is my fond hope that pub meals will include vegetarian food more regularly in their menus and employ qualified chefs who have the expertise to er... cook.

If anyone out there knows a great eggplant parmigiana recipe, please enlighten me...