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Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas everyone!! Hope it's a great holiday period for all!

I have noticed a lot of people on tv, news and the like repeating "let's not forget what Christmas is about."

By repeating this phrase, it is clear that we have indeed forgotten what Christmas is about and need to be reminded all the time.

The fact that we celebrate the birth and life of an ascetic by buying stuff is a bit beyond me. But then, I run a shopping blog so what do I know...

So we celebrate the birth of Jesus, a non-material man with meagre possessions who wandered the land healing people and performing miracles.

It's not actually about the arrival of a rather obesese, materialistic Coca-Cola manufactured dude in a red suit.

It would be interesting to know the percentages of children who realise that Christmas isn't about getting the new Nintendo Wii so they can gloat to their school friends who didn't receive the latest gadget.

I watched a YouTube video where a kid received a book as a present. His response was "What the heck is this?" It seems that the spirit of Christmas is out of reach for many people.

I hope in some small way, we all find our own peace on earth, whatever it may be.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

This post brought to you by Pier 1 Imports. All opinions are 100% mine.

Tis the season to be jolly.  And buy a rather large selection of holiday gifts.  The feeling of relief when we have bought the last gift, the final tick off the list and it's time to relax.  Right now I am looking at stocking stuffers from Pier 1.  Plush animals are often a good bet, cuteness being the universal currency of gift giving.

These little fellas are in the  $14-24 range.   Choose from crocs, zebras and owl or even a monkey!

Being a Scorpio, I am also partial to a bit of astrologically targeted gift giving.  According to the "Astrologically friendly gifts" section on the site, Scorpios are one of the most enigmatic signs of the zodiac.  Well I already knew that!  But I think they have me pretty well pegged, as I am quite partial to a bit of ocean-inspired art and I love plush bed stuff!  I can't speak for all Scorpios but I am a fan of all things Conan-Doyle-ish.  That is, large mahogany desks, banker's lamps and of course, a beautiful wooden globe.

This globe is a perfect pressie under $50!

For the perfect Christmas gathering, my must have would have to be this "yoga frog" centrepiece (around $25!

Nothing says Christmas more than a meditating frog!  Add some peace and goodwill to your table with this serene froggy!

To make you feel even more peaceful and benevolent during the holiday season, for every person who "likes" Pier 1 Imports on Facebook, $1 will be donated to Toys for Tots so that Christmas will be a tiny bit merrier for those less fortunate than ourselves.

Visit Sponsor's Site

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Today I tried once more to delve into the world of human shopping. Perhaps it would be quaint, that old world touch, brown paper packages tied up with string, old Mr Gibbons selling candy canes in the hand made sweet shop...

The behemoth of the multi-storey shopping centre loomed above me, taunting me, daring me to go inside...

"We have everything you need here. Join us..."

(say in Dark Lord of the Sith voice)

After 2.7 minutes of being in the shopping centre, the walls were beginning to close in. This place pretty much sucks. There really is no other way of putting it.

So I decided as a home furnishing expedition, I would buy some fabric for some curtains. Simple, yes?


Me (approaching the service desk at a well known and unnamed fabric store)
"Hi, I'm looking for some fabric, it's..."

"The fabric counter is THAT way." The 'customer service' girl points and sulks.

"Ok, thanks."

So I suppose the term "service desk" was some kind of decoy. A fabric shop with a service desk that doesn't help with fabric questions. Perhaps it was the button department.

I found the fabric I needed without any assistance from staff.

Then I took my fabric to the cutting desk.

"I'd like to cut this to approximately the size of a double bed. Do you know how long that would be?"

Cutting desk girl: "About 180cm."

"Okay, and it's how much per metre?"


"Okay, I'll get 2 metres, thanks."

She began to cut, carefully trimming the fabric in a straight line. She kept on cutting, trimming another piece. Hm, perhaps they cut in 1 metre bits, I thought.

"That will be 75.96"

"How much?


"For two metres?"

"Four metres."

"I asked for two metres."

She sighed, then glared at me.

"You said four metres."

"No, really, I asked for two metres."

Still glaring "Oh, and you just stood there and let me cut another piece?" Her aggression was palpable.

My hackles, feckles and any other ekles were well and truly up.
I gathered all my thoughts into one phrase.

....."Excuse me?" Stare....

She backed down a little. "Well, I thought you said four metres."

"No, I said two."

"That will be 37.98"

"Thank you."

Thus endeth the lesson. I will not be doing any more Christmas shopping in shopping centres, as they suck my will to live and make me want to kick in the Christmas decorations. I have decided that the frenetic and rather narky energy of shopping centres is detrimental to my Christmas spirit.

From now on I will be doing all my Christmas shopping on my new favourite online shopping sites.

With any luck I will preserve my remaining cheer in time for Christmas.

Monday, December 06, 2010

Housework can be a pain so I have decided that I need the best possible equipment for each task.  This means that I will not be settling for second best when it comes to hand held vacuum cleaners.

I don't want any ol' fluffy "Tiffany Handy Vac"

I don't want a no-suction, small nozzled, airy fairy piece o' junk.

No, I want the no-messing about, 750 watt super suction bad mother.

The "Piranha"

You don't mess around with a name like Piranha, you know it's going to do the job.

Whatever it takes. 

It is the Clint Eastwood of hand held vacuum cleaners.

"Go Ahead.  Eat My Dust."

(clench teeth)

"Do you feel lucky?  Well do ya?  LINT????!?!?"

Thursday, December 02, 2010

At the gym that I regularly frequent, I was presented with a dilemma.  It was a question of etiquette and considering I never went to finishing school OR carried a book on my head, I don't know the answer.  It goes something like this:

I entered the change rooms, ready to get into my running shoes and trackky gear.  This process usually takes me all of about 3 minutes.  The girl at the desk gave me my locker key - number 6.

When I rounded the corner, I was confronted by a woman.  She was completely stark bollock naked with her arms outstretched, and for some reason, her legs outstretched as well, facing the lockers.

Not only that, but she was spread-eagled in front of a particular locker.

Number 6.

My locker.

I knew she had heard me coming in, a slight tilt of her head acknowledged my presence in her vicinity.

So I hung back, not wanting to approach at this stage. 

I have this pedantic thing about not talking to completely naked strangers.

So I thought "well, maybe she just took off her bathing suit.  I suppose she'll dry off, get dressed and THEN I can ask her to move." 


She stayed where she was.  Swaying slightly, not using a towel and still standing like Leonardo's Vitruvian man.

"Oh crap."  I thought.  "Maybe she's air drying?"

She stayed for what seemed like 15 minutes but was probably more like 7.

Not moving.

Being  naked. 

Not using a towel.


"Maybe she's like that serial killer guy from Silence of the Lambs.  I'm definitely not talking to her until she is at least covered up in a towel or something.

She still didn't move.

"Maybe the Blair Witch is coming and she's been told to stand facing the wall.  Maybe I'm next!!  Aaargh!!"

This line of thought wasn't helping me.

I had meanwhile changed into my gear, sat down on the bench.  Waiting patiently, trying not to look directly at the rather frightening display in front of me. 

Then, something bizarre happened.  Another woman and a kid came in and started talking to Vitruvian naked scary woman.  And she miraculously grew clothes within a minimal space of time.

I chose my moment.

"Excuse me, could I get into number 6 please?"

"Oh, yeah, of course!"  she said, like it had been her intention all along.  She FINALLY capitulated and moved herself away.
As she disappeared (thankfully fully clothed) through the door with the other woman and the kid, I noticed something else. She wasn't even using a locker.  She could have gone anywhere.  It's a big place.

So I conclude with my not-so-subtle-plea/order/requirement/mandatory idea:


Wednesday, December 01, 2010

I have been scouring the world of stupid t-shirts looking for the most idiotic, disturbing and whacked out t-shirts of them all.  This is no mean feat.  What constitutes a stupid t-shirt?  There is a fine line between humour and overshare, witty and obvious.  And of course, some t-shirts are just out and out wrong.

You be the judge:
(Warning, slightly non-kid friendly themes... and in no particular order)

1.  "It's My Network"

If you need this t-shirt to advertise that you are surrounded by scantily clad women then you probably aren't.  My advice to those considering buying a t-shirt such as this, firstly think "would James Bond wear this?"  If the answer is no, move along...

2.  "Ex Masturbator"

For the love of decency, people!  Why are you guys smiling?  Is this a joke?  Please, please take these t-shirts off... the market.

3.  "If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off"

Obviously, this is the back of the t-shirt.  Clearly designed for motorbike riders.

I'm afraid that my sides have split from the witty subtlety of it all.  Can you spell lawsuit?

4.  "If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right"

All kinds of creepy.  Please don't wear it around Star Wars fans like me.  The fact that it happened once in the film was disturbing enough.

5.  "I Bought This T-Shirt To Cover Up My Muffin Top"
Um...  OVERSHARE!!!!

 6.   "Mormons etc. Are All Wrong!!"

It's a free country I suppose. But just because you can wear this t-shirt doesn't mean you actually should.  P.S. If you must wear it, make sure you avoid churches, mosques and remote temples on top of mountains, supermarkets, pubs, trains, planes and automobiles.

7.  "Stop Looking At My Chest!"

Fine, I will stop looking at your chest, as soon as I stop reading the big writing on your t-shirt that just happens to be located in your chestel region.

8.  "Don't Bother, I'm Not Drunk Yet."
If you read into the subtext of this, it speaks volumes.

9.  Jihad
Do not wear to airports.  Or anywhere with jumpy security.  You might find they haven't got a sense of humour.

10.  Justin Bieber t-shirt