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Monday, May 31, 2010

1.  Write about a current event.  Read today's latest headlines and inject your opinion into the post.  Your content will be fresh, in demand and will provide a new perspective on the issue.

2.  Take some time to thank your fave bloggers and give them some link love.

3.  Write a silly post.  Sometimes, say, if you write a serious political blog, this may not be appropriate.  But if you can, people love to laugh and if you can think of something silly or funny your readers will appreciate it.

4.  Find a much-blogged about topic.  Then add your own opinion and perspective.

5.  Memes.  Some people love them, some people hate them.  I personally don't participate but if you are searching for blog material, a meme can keep the blogging process going.  Try Wordless Wednesday or Music Monday for starters.

6.  Review a site.  Do you love/hate Tweetdeck?  Do you use Facebook?  Talk about the features that work for you and provide screenshots to illustrate.

7.  Review a product.  You don't have to send away for samples, the product could be a recent purchase (say, an Ipad).  Provide your readers with a detailed review to provide value and insight.

8.  Add a Recipe.  Are you a master in the kitchen?  Just learning?  Make a video or write your recipe for your best dish.  Remember to provide lots of pics (yum!)

9.  Interview another blogger.  John Chow may be a little busy but if you have someone else in mind, this can be a great way to increase your blog's audience.  You can do a podcast or email them the questions and publish the answers in a post.   

10.  Write a top 10 list.  ;-)

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I don't know what kind of drugs they are feeding spammers these days...

I will try (and I do mean "try") to translate this latest offering by nutbags pretending to be internet banking admin people:

Dear Westpac Bank user,

Your Westpac online bank account is currently locked color

Really? I usually use Oxy Clean or lemon juice for those really locked in stains...

and only after you identify on the website
your account will be unlocked face and ready for use.

Oh good. There's nothing worse than trying to do your banking with a locked face. That is, if I can identify on the website. Err...

For added security we will send a Westpac SMS protect Code Color
to you pre-registered mobile phone number,
in order to confirm your identity.

Gee. Yeah. That sounds safe, sign me up. I'm so glad they are going to protect me (sic) mobile phone number.

Incidentally, I'd probably want to confirm YOUR identity considering you didn't pass grammar 101 and use US spellings for Australian victims. I mean customers.

Please follow the link below to request your Westpac Protect SMS Code Color.

Clicking a link in an email from a gramatically incorrect weirdo babbling on about locked colors and unlocked faces.

I don't see how that could hurt...

Incidentally, considering their outrageously obvious errors, they might have done just as well with this email:

"Dear Scumbag,

Weed porn ferret miscreant is dulling your online.
Please click your unlocked war scratchings to envelop your baby back ribs

Scam Bastard Mother Fridge"

Friday, May 21, 2010

I had the underwhelming misfortune of encountering "Jedward" on The Graham Norton show. Did you know, they are called "John" and "Edward" and that the name "Jedward" is a merging of the two names?

Isn't that amazing? Did you also know that a big "L" on your head stands for loser? No? Read on...

I wasn't quite sure what I was seeing. What a strange pair. They are incredibly irritating when they talk. Which is quite often.

I could go as far as to call them precocious twats, but that's just me being nice.

It's really the hair that makes them stand out.

However it has been done before:

Even Vanilla Ice did it before you.

Hey wow. That's the first time I've accused Vanilla Ice of being first. Or original. Eeek!!

So now high hair is back. And it can go a little bit too far sometimes:

I thought this sort of thing stopped in the 80s. The ozone layer. Remember? Did you know that Bon Jovi single-handedly destroyed a 40 metre hole over a New Jersey stadium just from the sprays used in their dressing rooms!

Really? Well, no.

And yes, hairsprays are made from hydrocarbons now, not chlorofluorocarbon. But it's the principle that counts.

I mean, for example, how much do you think Lady Gaga consumes in hair products per week?

Think about it...

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I have been reviewing my posts over the years and noticed that I seem to have invented a number of words and/or phrases. No, you say, some of these words were already invented when I posted them. Yeah? Well, I... didn't know about them at the time so it still counts as an authentic invention. I think.

Fun Words and Phrases to Expand Your Vocabulary:

Nad Whack - (Verb)
What happens when you swing your arms while walking and don't realise there is an unsuspecting and rather vulnerable bloke behind you.
Ref: Keep Your Hands By Your Sides At All Times

Runnething - (Verb)
Sort of like running but... more.
Ref: Fresh Pots!!!

The ol' sidewinders - (Phrase)
Something you would be showing if you wore a particularly hideous style of jeans. Hint - it involves hair.
Ref: Bikijeans

Mascara Malfunction - (Phrase)
Doing your makeup too fast.
Ref: Mascara Malfunction

Bunker Rage - (Phrase)
What happens when you land in a massive bunker and simultaneously forget how to play golf. Includes new words such as Graghph and Ruh!
Ref: Bunker Rage

Rasthermathugraaaa!!! - (Noun? Verb? Expletive?)
What you say when you unexpectedly get your first birdie.
Ref: Birdie Comes Before Par

Hannibal Lecter Dinner Set - (Phrase)
Something characterised as highly innapropriate.
Ref: Wacky Gifts for Wacky People

Flavor Wave Alien Incubator - (Phrase, Noun)
That thing Mr T. sells on the infomercials.
Ref: Mr T and the Flavor Wave Alien Incubator

Flame Grilled Microwave - (Phrase, Noun)
Hungry Jack's secret cooking technique.
Ref: Hungry Jacks Flame Grilled Burger

Sadistic Gift File - (Phrase)
List of items to buy for people you either don't like or wish to torment for no reason in particular.
Ref: Sadistic Gift File #1 - Gong Alarm Clock

Shopping 2.0 - (Noun)
When shops and nerds collide.
Ref: Canadian Deal-Finding Website

Shopputting - (Verb)
Un-stealing something. For example, sneaking into a supermarket and putting something of yours on the shelves. Note: At the time of writing this post, I was not aware of the term.
Ref: Security Supermarket Threat.

On-Footpath Shopping - (Phrase)
The opposite of online shopping.
Ref: Deals Direct: An Online Shopper's Utopia

Big Hairy Man Boobs - (Phrase, Noun)
The credit for this one goes to a 6 year old girl telling me and my partner about her Dad.
Ref: From the Mouths of Babes

Goat Bagging Mushroom, Frog's Nest Entrails With Lark's Vomit - (Phrases)
Direct result of writer's block.
Ref: F@ck! F@ck! F@ck!

Bat Faeces Soup - (Phrase, Noun)
A good reason to be a vegetarian.
Ref: Bat Faeces Soup

Wedding Sausage - (Noun, Phrase)
Ok, I didn't make this one up. There exists an actual deli item called 'wedding sausage'. But seriously, can you not see a joke here?
Ref: Saving on Groceries

The Hairy Soup Diet - (Phrase)
Rather effective weight loss diet consisting of soup. With the addition of a hair.
Ref: Waiter, There's A Pubic Hair In My Soup!!

Oh, and for those arriving here through the Google search "pubic hair soup", welcome to my blog!!

And... you need help.

Monday, May 10, 2010

It's easy to feel like you are behind the eight ball when it comes to Women's fashion. Sometimes I just throw on the first thing that I see in the morning. Actually, no, that's most days. But sometimes I like to think about what goes into a look, how to accessorise, and all the other fun things that come with being a fashionista.

Enter Stylecaster.com - The site features the most popular look of the day, featured trends in fashion, various types of colour combination for picking the best looks.

Create your own unique style and find out what inspiration keeps the future of style and fashion both updated and constantly changing. Personally, I like to shop, so I was pleased to note that you can shop by designer (just like my own sidebar feature!), or by category such as bags, shoes, accessories etc. I managed to find items such as bathing suits, sunglasses, and of course, my elusive "messenger bag". It will be mine. Oh yes...

The latest fashion industry news keeps us up to date with what is happening with the latest designers and new trends.

And of course, my favourite fashion accessory, funny t-shirts. A bit nerdy, a bit grungy. Just my kind of style...

Brought to you by Stylecaster.com

This is an airbrushed photograph for a Ralph Lauren campaign. The woman in the photograph is not really that skinny, as you can see in the contrasting photograph. The ad campaign apparently needed airbrushing because the model "wasn't skinny enough".

Airbrushing is a scary thing. It can create a bust, reduce a curvy bottom, get rid of a slightly protruding stomach or erase cellulite. Not only that, it can erase acne, crows feet, skin imperfections, remove freckles and shape eyebrows.

I'll tell you, finding out all this made my eyebrows raise a tad.

But, that's not all, it can also re-shape jawlines, add cheekbones, whiten teeth and the white of the eye, change nose shape, sculpt hair, slim the waistline and remove splotches, jowls, under eye bags and raise eyebrow height.

After these "before" pictures were accidentally released untouched, there were gasps and disdain towards Kim Kardashian for what appeared to be... CELLULITE!!


Call out the National Guard!!!

Go to code red!!!

In response, Kim Kardashian said "So I have a little cellulite. What curvy girl doesn't?"

Nowadays, people often see a picture in a magazine and take it on face value. Photographs are not what they appear, and are becoming more extravagantly airbrushed as time goes on.

For example, Faith Hill is a naturally beautiful woman. Why do they feel the need to give her the Barbie treatment?

So many times I have heard other women say "oh, I wish I looked like that" when they see a picture of a celebrity in a magazine.

Perhaps they don't realise that these celebrities don't exactly look like that either.

With professional hair, makeup teams, wardrobe consultants, skin technicians, personal trainers, professional photographers and the magic of airbrushing (or some might say, Photoshopping), you would probably look pretty amazing too.

This is not an exercise in cutting tall poppies down to earth. Actors, models, you name it, they have natural beauty and their own uniqueness.

The purpose of this article is actually the reverse - for ordinary women and men to realise that they don't have to be perfect to be attractive. Our expectations of how people should look have reached new heights.

Stars get cellulite, acne, bad hair days and baggy eye days just like everyone else. It's just that we can't see it under all the airbrushing. Some celebrities probably look at their own publicity photos and say "why can't I look like that" when they have just crawled out of bed in the morning.

The debate about airbrushing has caused such a furore that French Elle Magazine has opted to grace their cover with stars without makeup and no airbrushing as a backlash against this worrying trend.

The women featured are shown as who they are.

Sans airbrush.

Perhaps one day we will be kind to ourselves and enjoy being who we are. Without expectations.

Recommended reading:

The Beauty Myth
Succulent Wild Woman