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Thursday, January 23, 2014

Gina Rinehart 200M Charitable Donation Email Spam

I received this lovely email from the kind hearted, generous Gina Rinehart.  Looks legit to me.

The only thing that clued me in was this line:  "...which I intend to use for CHARITY".

Gina Rinehart is notoriously tight with money, giving the tiniest percentage to charity compared with other billionaires (such as Bill Gates).  She also has the dubious distinction of withholding money from her own children until they reach the sprightly age of 75.  A great citizen of Australia indeed.

Did you know Gina Rinehart is also a poet?  Her 2012 poem "our future" was not widely acclaimed when it was released.  I can't imagine why.

I will attempt to analyse her poem. In some instances, I will try to interpret the true meaning behind this vast, meaningful work. In other instances I will use pictures. Wish me luck.

Our Future 

The globe is sadly groaning with debt, poverty and strife 
...due to the Global Financial Crisis thanks to Alan Greenspan, George W. Bush, Bernie Madoff and many others who are super rich and super greedy.

And billions now are pleading to enjoy a better life 
I am so glad that Gina has a plan for everyone who wants a better life.  Can't wait to hear it.  Hey wow, strife and life - a rhyme!  This must be a real poem.

Their hope lies with resources buried deep within the earth 
Ah, no.  Digging, exploitation, I knew there was a catch.  Freedom through slavery...  I think I've heard that somewhere before.

  Image credit:  Annabel's House of Books 

And the enterprise and capital which give each project worth 
Sorry, I ranted on so much there that I forgot to stop and appreciate the incredible wordplay of rhyming 'earth' with 'worth'.  This stuff is Gold!! - Pardon the mining pun

Is our future threatened with massive debts run up by political hacks 
Code alert:  She's talking about Labor.  How do I know?  Because I'm PSYCHIC!! 
...and because she is a right-wing redneck loon.
It was Labor who got us through the GFC and saved us from recession.
Then, in 2013/14, the LNP upped the national debt, spent twice as much as the Labor party per day, and even managed to get The Greens to approve this lunacy.  Expect many tears and stern punishments and finger pointing come budget time.  
So, ironically, over a year later, the answer is to Gina's rather prophetic question is "Yes".

Who dig themselves out by unleashing rampant tax 
The mining tax didn't dig anyone out of anything, nor was it rampant.  More like a small speedbump underneath an earth mover.  
I do however appreciate the use of the word dig.  
Incidentally, Gina Rinehart must really hate John Howard and his rampant GST.  

The end result is sending Australian investment, growth and jobs offshore 
Yes, because no billionaire wants to send jobs offshore.  Our billionaires want to exploit workers RIGHT HERE in good ol' Australia...  As long as they don't ask for Australian wages.  Or conditions. 

This type of direction is harmful to our core
Those mining puns again.  Dig, core, what's next?

Some envious unthinking people have been conned 
Code alert:  Envious = Not a billionaire.  
Unthinking? Oh, yes that's right, the people who thought voting LNP in 2013 would be a good idea. Predicting 2013 and 2014 events in 2012.  Gina Rinehart is some kind of Soothsayer!

To think prosperity is created by waving a magic wand 
No actually, it was salvaged by Wayne Swan.  Wow, that almost rhymed!

Now, about that magic wand.  You could try Gina Rinehart's method of prosperity creation:
Step 1.  Be born
Step 2.  Have a Dad who is a prosperous billionaire
Step 3.  Inherit all of billionaire Dad's billionaire assets
Step 4.  Get indignant about all those silly people who think prosperity is created by waving a magic wand

Through such unfortunate ignorance, too much abuse is hurled 
Those educated lefties, they are just so... unfortunate, and ignorant, and abusive.  And... hurly.

Against miners, workers and related industries who strive to build the world
Not so poetic.  Starting to lose the plot a bit here.  Plot? Earth? Did you see what I did there?

Develop North Australia, embrace multiculturalism and welcome short term foreign workers to our shores 
Okay, that's not a line of poetry.  That's some kind of wacky right-wing manifesto.  

Embrace multiculturism? Translation:  import people too scared to complain about conditions and remuneration, then stick them in a miners shed until it's time to rap on the corrugated iron.  But I'm pretty sure nobody has EVER been exploited on a 457 Visa.  They never mentioned it on SkyNews, anyway.

To benefit from the export of our minerals and ores
Read:  For MEEEE to benefit from the export of our minerals and ores

The world's poor need our resources: do not leave them to their fate 
...So we're going to exploit them for $2 a day!  Hey, that almost rhymed too. 

Let's see how contented a miner can be on $2 per 23 hour day.

Yep.  Everything A-OK.  No problem here at all. 

Our nation needs special economic zones and wiser government, before it is too late. 
It was a wise government that got us through the GFC, which was caused by the greed of super-rich people.  We now have Ms Rinehart's version of a "wiser government".  A super greedy, heartless, secretive, economically illiterate, batsh*t crazy, racist, sexist, violent, xenophobic, born-to-rule bunch of despots prone to cronyism and expense rorting.  

A cartoon from The Daily Blog sums up Gina's poem nicely:

Fun facts: Gina Rinehart was nominated for an "Australian Living Treasure 2012" award

Even more fun facts:  She didn't end up winning.

A Haiku by LJP

The ground tilts askew
Soot piles turn gold for Gina
The earth laughs later


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