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Showing posts with label email. Show all posts
Showing posts with label email. Show all posts

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I don't know what kind of drugs they are feeding spammers these days...

I will try (and I do mean "try") to translate this latest offering by nutbags pretending to be internet banking admin people:











Dear Westpac Bank user,

Your Westpac online bank account is currently locked color

Really? I usually use Oxy Clean or lemon juice for those really locked in stains...

and only after you identify on the website
your account will be unlocked face and ready for use.

Oh good. There's nothing worse than trying to do your banking with a locked face. That is, if I can identify on the website. Err...

For added security we will send a Westpac SMS protect Code Color
to you pre-registered mobile phone number,
in order to confirm your identity.

Gee. Yeah. That sounds safe, sign me up. I'm so glad they are going to protect me (sic) mobile phone number.

Incidentally, I'd probably want to confirm YOUR identity considering you didn't pass grammar 101 and use US spellings for Australian victims. I mean customers.

Please follow the link below to request your Westpac Protect SMS Code Color.

Clicking a link in an email from a gramatically incorrect weirdo babbling on about locked colors and unlocked faces.

I don't see how that could hurt...

Incidentally, considering their outrageously obvious errors, they might have done just as well with this email:

"Dear Scumbag,

Weed porn ferret miscreant is dulling your online.
Please click your unlocked war scratchings to envelop your baby back ribs

Sincerely,
Scam Bastard Mother Fridge"



Monday, November 10, 2008

I received a rather amusing email this morning - for a brief moment I thought it was for real. It is not unusual for me to get direct emails for various projects. However further reading exposed the extent of my wrongness:


I have a project I want you to run with us. It involves exportation of 100,000 barrels of crude oil daily from Kirkuk, Iraq.

If you are interested, email me.

Mr. Yan.


Hmm. Well thank you, Mr Yan, I appreciate your offer. As a humble blogger however, I do not happen to have room for 100,000 lazy barrels of crude oil in my garden shed. In fact, last time I checked I did not have room for a single barrel.

Why you would be still hoarding such a valuable resource is beyond me. You could have exported when oil prices were at their peak. I'm sorry, Mr Yan, you missed your chance. If you will just check the latest figures, the current price for oil is $61.04. What you should have done is tapped into your seemingly unlimited oil reserve in March 2008. $150 per barrel! Ah, the tragedy of hindsight.

Exporting from where? Iraq, you say. Gee, let me think...

Much as I would like to travel to a volatile region during wartime on the basis of a spam email, I think I'll pass. Thank you so much for your kind offer, not that I will respond because you are probably camping out in some evil hovel wherever on earth it is that spammers like to slither. But I can't help being a little disappointed. All my dreams of becoming an oil baroness. My backyard oil refinery will have to wait. *sigh*











Thus endeth my exploits at international business.



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