PHOTO: NASA

Thanks to my anonymous blogging friend/tipster for this one:

Talk about thinking big. Some joker astute entrepreneur has decided to sell a galaxy on Ebay. The seller is from Canada.

I wasn't aware that Galaxy M81 belonged to Canada or indeed any earth region.

I must say, though, the seller has started the bids pretty low at $1.00

What perplexes me is that delivery is $14.00 worldwide.

What about galaxy-wide? Or trans-galaxy delivery. Surely that would cost more than the collective wealth of Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey and Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah put together. No, I hadn't heard of him either but apparently he's the Sultan and ruler of Brunei (plus he's the Prime Minister, Defence Minister, Finance Minister and every other minister you can think of) and is worth $30 billion.

Anyway, what I'm saying is it would cost a lot of money to deliver a galaxy.

That's providing you know where you're delivering to.

You can't very well stash it in your garage with your old fishing equipment and skis. And you can't fit it in your "Ebay room" (people have these apparently) no matter how hard you push.

In fact, with a diameter of 70 thousand light years you'd probably have to get rid of our own galaxy to get delivery of this one. Which means you and the rest of humanity would be dead and it probably wouldn't matter how cheap you bought it.

But lets get back to the advantages.

The galaxy could be populated. Which according to the advertisement makes you the official galactic dictator.

I don't think that even the most hapless dictator would be proud of a rulership existing from such a huge distance that his great-grandchildren may be dead years before anyone works out how the hell you get there without running out of either oxygen and/or combustible fuels.

I just hope the title is inheritable.

The galaxy even comes with a certificate of ownership. So you are the 'certified' galactic dictator. That's handy. Most dictators are certifiable.

Let's face it. You're buying a certificate and the domain name "GalaxyM81.com". Which for $15 perhaps that isn't so bad. It makes me think though, if we can sell things we can't deliver, the possibilities are endless.

Or should I say infinite.


See the original listing here.

technorati tags: ebay weird listings galaxy m81

Oobooy. My attention has been drawn to a rather interesting advertising proposal. I'm not even sure where to start with this.

The advertising space is not a billboard, not a TV or radio ad, but one guy's arm.

That's right. An arm.

For a mere $10,000 (US) you can tattoo your logo or slogan into history. Or at least a guy's arm. Who is this guy anyway? I mean I could probably understand buying tattoo space on Roger Federer's arm because you see it all the time on the major tennis championships. Or Tiger Woods, as long as he wears short sleeves. Or perhaps even Dave Grohl. But you know what? I don't think any of them would do it.

Why?

Because it's weird.

Imagine waking up with "Eat at Joe's" plastered across your forearm.

Or Intel. You could take a bad trip and think the aliens finally got to you.

How about an ad for Haemorrhoid cream? That could put funny ideas into your head. Like suggestive selling. Would you like fries with that? It's just a short jump away.

The most frightening thing is the "Buy It Now Price" (for the whole arm). A pinch at $100,000.00 US.

Honestly, it would take more than $100,000.00 to get rid of the shame and embarrassment of walking down the street with "National Herpes Foundation" tattooed on any visible part of my body.

So here's the deal. For 10 grand you only get a 2" x 4" space on an arm. And then you have to renew your contract or he gets the tattoo removed.

I know for a fact that you can buy a number of TV spots during the Australian Open for about $200,000.00 Even if you just bought half that you would surely reach more people than one guy who professes to walk around a lot.

And for the man himself, it's free PR. Hey, maybe I should charge 10 grand for advertising space.

Would you like haemorrhoids with that?

Check out the listing here.

technorati tags: weird ebay listings

It's amazing what you can find on Ebay:























Bush Sticky Notes

Innovative idea. Usually when I want to say something stupid I just write it in a blog post...

Although it does beg the question, what would you write on them?



It just sprang to mind since we recently had the "OPEC" summit here in "Austria".

Technorati Tags: weird ebay silly auctions George W Bush

I can't really find the words...so...I thought I'd give you this....
















The Key To My Heart

In the description, it seems to indicate that you might melt if you received one of these. I think they meant barf.




This one is kind of interesting until you think about it...














Misspelled Ebay Items

You know what? I don't think I trust any of these people enough to buy their Iod. Or their Nitedo. If they can't spell it, I don't want it. Attention to detail is pretty important. And it doesn't bode well for the hassles of sorting out payment methods and delivery.

P.S. Nice touch with the fake software box. It's actually a toolbar...probably loaded with spyware...I'm not going to buy it to find out...




And of course, who can resist a listing that starts with

"dear hopeful lottery winner..."

Hmmm. Promising.









Cheat Lottery System

Question - why would someone who has the clairvoyant / scientific / bullshit ability to cheat the lottery system be needing to sell anything on Ebay for ten bucks? Hmmmm.....

Oh I know...

"...because of my amazing discovery, I just couldn't sleep until I shared the idea with the world because it makes me happy to be helping people....yada yada yada




And finally....
















Exploding Money Box

That's right, kids. This is seriously funny, scare your friends, film them and put it on YouTube. Oh, no, hang on. Isn't that dangerous? And sort of mean?
But...it's YouTube. Oyeah it's like...sohot.



Yes. That's right. I am a tad irritable today.

technorati tags: weird ebay youtube

You think you've seen it all. Then this happens...




















Holy Toast Stamper

That's right. So you can make your own "holy toast". Can someone please explain to me how and why the Ebay obsession with toast thing got started?


















Nutri Grain E.T.

This happens to every second nutri-grain that I've ever eaten. But, come to think of it, it kind of does look like the little guy.



Oh, yeah, check this one out. For the extremely tolerant and / or masochistic:














Rotating disco ball alarm clock


I can just see it now. This is how it would go on its first day with me.


Me: Zzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzzzz

Disco Ball Alarm Clock: Ddldldldldldld wheeee doo doo (insert 70s disco tune here)
Flashing lights. Oh yeah, you are feeling funky....

Me: F#$%!!!! Mph? What the F#$%?!?!?!? Is there a fire? (sees clock)

**SMASH!!!**

Disco Ball Alarm Clock: Bwwwwww dzzzz mooooo (dies)

Me: Zzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzzzz

Technorati Tags: Ebay weird

I can't imagine why someone would get rid of this.

















And now, for the man who has everything (except perhaps class)





















Speaking of class...









This is so tacky I don't even know where to start. A tongue piercing. In the shape of... AND it glows in the dark!



Something now for the stressed executive...

This doll is able to be repeatedly mutilated to provide stress relief for the executive. Just don't beat the sh!t out of the doll when someone could walk in because you are likely to get sent on permanent leave. A grown man. Killing a doll. Freud would have a field day. Can you spell serial killer?



And my favourite one goes in the "if you're stupid enough to buy it, I'll sell it to you" category:









The description is brilliant. Here's a direct quote:

"...Like conjoined twins this Pizza Shape has no lines in between so at birth in the cutter and ovens they remain truly brother and sister. After eating Savoury Shapes for a lifetime I have never seen such a rare beast as this one..."

All this time I have been sitting on a fortune. Every time I've munched on 'conjoined' barbeque shapes I could have been stockpiling them and making a fortune! Ah...the agony of hindsight.


Technorati Tags: Bizarre Ebay Weird Auctions Strange

As you probably know, I spend quite a bit of time on Ebay. Some of the things I have discovered are too weird not to display here. So without further ado...the weirdest of the bunch:

Gold Coated Smith's Potato Chip















What can I say. For the person who has everything. Except a gold covered potato chip.




Sydney Ghost / Crime Tour in a Hearse













If this is your idea of a good time, ie. being chauffeured around Sydney in a haunted hearse looking at ghost sites and crime scenes, then look no further. Actually this sounds pretty cool.




And...for that really hard to buy person...

The Amazing Screeching Slingshot Monkey












What I love about this one is that not only does it fly, it screeches as well. If you are mad at one of your friends and they have a kid, buy this for their kid as a present. (insert diabolical laughter here)




This next one isn't particularly weird, but I just loved the name...

Amazing refined bone double wonderful carbs














I think they mean crabs. Or frogs?!?! Tell you what, a week on the Atkins diet and you will be craving the wonderful carbs.



And I couldn't go past this one. For the moron who is easily led distinguished buyer...

Amazing Suicide Door Conversion for Any Car!














Okay...
Suicide door? The name itself should put you off. Not to mention the impracticality. Er...one word: why?

Technorati Tags: Really Weird Ebay Auctions

This is by far one of the strangest things I have seen for sale on Ebay:

Purchase 1 square foot of Lochaber in Scotland with "fishing rights" to the river.

Benefits: You can frame a certificate on your wall and call yourself "Lord", "Laird" or "Lady" of Lochaber. Even if you've never been to Scotland.















1. This is a bit sad - do people really need to impress others this much? Why am I asking this, of course they do!! It's still sad though. People really say "I am Lord of Lochaber, this is my official certificate (that you can buy on Ebay for $49.95 plus 9 bucks postage & handling?)

2. How do you get to your square foot of land? By helicopter?

3. Can other Lairds and Ladies shoot you for stepping on their square foot of land?

4. The official name for your square foot of land is a "Sporting Estate". What is the sport? Hopping?

5. As a new member of the Scottish aristocracy, the activities you can enjoy on your estate are:
fishing, bird watching, fungi spotting and picnicing. Just be sure you bring a small blanket!

6. Not only do you have a new title, but you will now have airport staff, hotel staff and country club staff falling all over you and giving you free gifts. Indeed. Unless of course, you happen to be travelling with another 200 or so Lords and Ladies with identical titles.

7. You are not allowed to build on the land. I think this is ridiculous. I have the perfect country estate that I borrowed from my Monopoly board.











I should have thought of this years ago. I could sell sqare centimetres of land with exclusive title to ladybugs, blades of grass, and moth and dirt rights. At $29.95 it would be a steal. I'd be a millionaire by now. And if I bought one for myself, I'd be a member of the Scottish aristocracy with land and title and the right to oppress all that enter my domain. Bugs, feathers and lost golf balls, be warned! You are about to meet your new ruler.

Sincerely, Lady of Lochaber.

(If you don't believe me, I'll fork out the $59 bucks and show you my authentic certificate)

Technorati Tags: Laird Lord Lady Lochaber Scotland Title Rights Aristocracy Fishing