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Thursday, August 28, 2008

On a recent trip through a couple of train stations in Melbourne, I needed to visit the bathroom before the train arrived. I emerged from the cubicle to face the "mirror" which was, in this case a sheet of lumpy polished metal. I've never understood the purpose of those things. Why pretend it's a mirror? Why not just have no mirror at all? Perhaps they thought the wall looked bare, I don't know.

I mean, I look into this thing and I can tell yep, I'm still the same height.

And that pinky/yellow blob up the top - that's probably my face.

The halo of dark stuff is my hair I presume...

And that's pretty much all I can tell. It's probably me in the reflection but I'm not 100% sure.

I could have a streak of mascara running down the length of my face and have absolutely no chance of spotting it. The first I'd know about it would be if someone told me or conversely, if someone kept their mouth shut about it but sniggered uncontrollably every time I turned my back.

So, after NOT looking in the mirror I start to walk down the ramp near the platform, swinging my arms enthusiastically as it is known that swinging your arms while you walk burns more calories.

I'm swinging away happily and...

THWACK!!

Oh no.

The back of my neck goes cold.

I've somehow managed to swing my hand smack bang into some poor guy's goolies.

Oh my God.

What does one do in this situation?

What's the etiquette?

This is the sort of thing they don't teach you at finishing school.

I can't say "sorry" because that would expose the fact that I am prepared to acknowledge that I've just swung my hand into his nuts.

God, how embarrassing.

Say something? What would I say anyway? Er...

"No, that wasn't your imagination. I truly did just whack you in the nuts just now...
But the good news is I wasn't carrying my umbrella in that hand. Oh, and by the way, I'm not some weird-ass girl who goes around randomly smacking people in the nads just so I can apologise... because that would make me really... um... worrying."

On second thoughts, don't say anything.

Keep walking. Oh, God, why does this have to happen to me? What was he doing walking that close and on that angle? He saw I was swinging my arms... didn't he? Don't make eye contact. I don't want a face to put to this excruciating episode. I don't want to know what he looks like.

Walk faster.

Stare straight ahead.

Act nonchalant and blend into the crowd quickly.

Maybe this is God's way of telling me not to use public transport.







I don't know about you but I find that surveillance and GPS tracking can be mighty useful. I just watched "Firewall" the other night. How does Harrison Ford find his kidnapped family? By following the dog's GPS collar microchip on his laptop screen.

Now, I'm not suggesting people should get themselves microchipped, but if your are wanting to track something (or someone! - ooo, play X-Files music here!), then this little device is quite nifty and could come in handy when you least expect it. Like when you're being pursued by aliens and you need to find the rendezvous hiding spot. Or if you are trying to find your dog because the end of the world is coming and you're in the car with Bruce Willis. Or any other situation far more plausible than the ones I just mentioned (but you never know!)

These easily concealed, pocket sized GPS Tracking devices get their signals from 24 Department of Defense GPS satellites and are accurate to 2.5 metres, updating every second (I told you this was X-Files-ish!!). Strong magnets inside make it possible to place underneath a car, and it is also water resistant. When you have the information you can turn on a computer (or laptop if you are speeding across the desert on a mission) - and plug in the tracking key into your USB port. You can then follow the progress in real time on your screen, using the existing technology of Google Earth.



This post brought to you by LandAirSea.

Thursday, August 21, 2008


I have seen these t-shirts for sale previously - for those who want to wear their political affiliations on their sleeve (pun intended).

The donkey, symbol of the Democrats. The elephant, symbol of the Republicans. The t-shirts denote political leanings and separate the population into potential dates or...not.

Today I found this:





Perhaps its for swinging voters (haaaaaaaaaa!!!!)

It would be fun to wear this t-shirt just to confuse everybody. I guess it opens up the field a bit...