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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I was browsing the perfumes in the chemist today, admiring the shapely bottles, imagining the spicy and floral fragrances.

I saw a bottle marked "Go" and thought to myself:  Yes.  Go-getter, trend setter, that's me, I'll have a spritz of that one.

After a lengthy spray on my wrists I smoothed a bit on my neck pressure point, finished my purchases and walked outside.

Then it hit me.

What is that smell?

It evokes er...  I can't quite place it... images of stubble... er... hairy sinks... gravel rash... er... DAMN IT!!!

A wonderous waft came up to my nostrils and I realised that blokey-smell was in fact me.


I checked out the blurb on the Go! website:

"...it not only changes the way you smell but changes the way you feel"

You're telling me.

...Could the hint of violet leaf be responsible for catching that girl's eye or not?"

Probably.  I may get a few looks from women thinking "why is that chick wearing aftershave?"


Would it have killed them to put "Pour Homme" on the dang bottle?

I did wonder why it was next to the David Beckham and Old Spice though...


So now, for the rest of the day (and night) I will smell like Eau De Bloke.






Monday, June 07, 2010

Eureka!!  Here are a few Firefox Add-Ons and Apps that make life a little bit easier.

I have a sneaking suspicion that every time you log in and out of Twitter, sift through unnecessary emails and cut and paste links, a fairy dies.



1.  Bit.ly sidebar - you can get this from the bit.ly home page and drag it on to your sidebar.  It shortens your links at the click of a button.

I can't understand why I have been cutting, pasting and opening and closing bit.ly all the time.  Duh!  Work smarter, not harder!!






2.  Hoot Suite - Wow.  If you have a couple of Twitter accounts and keep logging in and out, this is the Twitter App for you.  Hoot suite has a "Hootlet" bookmarklet for super easy tweets straight from the source page.  It has an app for Iphone too (what doesn't?)

 Soooo much easier to manage everything.  Great if you want to schedule Tweets (for different time zones, for example)






3.  Feedly - All-in-one feed App.  Imports your feeds from Google Reader and various other sources.  Nice!







4.  Yahoo Mail Watcher - Doesn't use your username and password in a way that could be compromised.  Checks your email while you are doing other things.  Notifies you when a new message comes through.


Heaven.







Monday, May 31, 2010

1.  Write about a current event.  Read today's latest headlines and inject your opinion into the post.  Your content will be fresh, in demand and will provide a new perspective on the issue.

2.  Take some time to thank your fave bloggers and give them some link love.

3.  Write a silly post.  Sometimes, say, if you write a serious political blog, this may not be appropriate.  But if you can, people love to laugh and if you can think of something silly or funny your readers will appreciate it.

4.  Find a much-blogged about topic.  Then add your own opinion and perspective.

5.  Memes.  Some people love them, some people hate them.  I personally don't participate but if you are searching for blog material, a meme can keep the blogging process going.  Try Wordless Wednesday or Music Monday for starters.

6.  Review a site.  Do you love/hate Tweetdeck?  Do you use Facebook?  Talk about the features that work for you and provide screenshots to illustrate.

7.  Review a product.  You don't have to send away for samples, the product could be a recent purchase (say, an Ipad).  Provide your readers with a detailed review to provide value and insight.

8.  Add a Recipe.  Are you a master in the kitchen?  Just learning?  Make a video or write your recipe for your best dish.  Remember to provide lots of pics (yum!)

9.  Interview another blogger.  John Chow may be a little busy but if you have someone else in mind, this can be a great way to increase your blog's audience.  You can do a podcast or email them the questions and publish the answers in a post.   

10.  Write a top 10 list.  ;-)





Thursday, May 27, 2010

I don't know what kind of drugs they are feeding spammers these days...

I will try (and I do mean "try") to translate this latest offering by nutbags pretending to be internet banking admin people:











Dear Westpac Bank user,

Your Westpac online bank account is currently locked color

Really? I usually use Oxy Clean or lemon juice for those really locked in stains...

and only after you identify on the website
your account will be unlocked face and ready for use.

Oh good. There's nothing worse than trying to do your banking with a locked face. That is, if I can identify on the website. Err...

For added security we will send a Westpac SMS protect Code Color
to you pre-registered mobile phone number,
in order to confirm your identity.

Gee. Yeah. That sounds safe, sign me up. I'm so glad they are going to protect me (sic) mobile phone number.

Incidentally, I'd probably want to confirm YOUR identity considering you didn't pass grammar 101 and use US spellings for Australian victims. I mean customers.

Please follow the link below to request your Westpac Protect SMS Code Color.

Clicking a link in an email from a gramatically incorrect weirdo babbling on about locked colors and unlocked faces.

I don't see how that could hurt...

Incidentally, considering their outrageously obvious errors, they might have done just as well with this email:

"Dear Scumbag,

Weed porn ferret miscreant is dulling your online.
Please click your unlocked war scratchings to envelop your baby back ribs

Sincerely,
Scam Bastard Mother Fridge"



Friday, May 21, 2010

I had the underwhelming misfortune of encountering "Jedward" on The Graham Norton show. Did you know, they are called "John" and "Edward" and that the name "Jedward" is a merging of the two names?

Isn't that amazing? Did you also know that a big "L" on your head stands for loser? No? Read on...

I wasn't quite sure what I was seeing. What a strange pair. They are incredibly irritating when they talk. Which is quite often.

I could go as far as to call them precocious twats, but that's just me being nice.

It's really the hair that makes them stand out.
















However it has been done before:




















Even Vanilla Ice did it before you.















Hey wow. That's the first time I've accused Vanilla Ice of being first. Or original. Eeek!!


So now high hair is back. And it can go a little bit too far sometimes:




















I thought this sort of thing stopped in the 80s. The ozone layer. Remember? Did you know that Bon Jovi single-handedly destroyed a 40 metre hole over a New Jersey stadium just from the sprays used in their dressing rooms!

Really? Well, no.

And yes, hairsprays are made from hydrocarbons now, not chlorofluorocarbon. But it's the principle that counts.

I mean, for example, how much do you think Lady Gaga consumes in hair products per week?

Think about it...