I am a geek.  There.  I said it.  Sometimes it's important to get these things out in the open so we can grow and move on.  So I love anything geeky, be it sci-fi related, gadgety or gizmo-y.  Geeky Gadgets is a nifty site with links to gadgets, geeky things and coupons for the online acquisition of gadgets (an important pastime, and a personal fave of mine).  There are some fun posts on such wonders of the sacred tomes to nerd wisdom:

I of course have bought, cataloged, memorized and translated this book into 7 different languages, including Klingon.  It contains references to Yoda, who has shaped my philosophy much more than any religious organization could manage.  It was Yoda who equated fear with anger, and espoused the Ghandi-esque path of non-aggression and zen fighting.  After all, if you are an evil angry dude, what do you do when the other dude refuses to fight, or puts down their weapon.  Yoda taught the most important lesson of resolving conflict - mess with the other dude's head.  A lot.

This wacky site provides all things required by a man who shuns fresh air, the sun, vegetables, eats too much junk food and lives in his mother's basement.

I'm looking at you, Warlock.

I seem to be a target for spam lately.  Yesterday I got a text message from a ridiculously long phone number reading:
@===@
)"EID" )
/ "Mub /
(arik" (
@===@
I think that @ and = thing is supposed to be a scroll.

It reads:

"May Allah bless U and your family!"


Well that's nice. Couple of points though,

1. I'm not a Muslim, or in fact religious in any way shape or form
2. I'm not rabid enough to text back "die godless A-rab" either

So whatever they were hoping for - ie. "Thank you brother, may Allah bless you as well" or "I will find out where you live and git you just like Osama", they ain't gonna get it from me.

Another couple of points. They can't spell Eid Mubarak properly but they did send it at the right time, as Ramadan has just ended. A little bit of research goes a long way.  I'm guessing it's just a run of the mill spam thing, but I can see some people receiving it happily, and sending back "Eid Mubarak blessings to you too.  Just one thing, who are you and how did you get my number?" or freaking out completely and throwing the phone over the ranch fence and running in the general direction of Alaska.

My next spam adventure happened this morning when I received a totally official looking (*insert sarcasm here*) email from Mr Ambrose Wekkinbeck. Well, with a name like that I can't help but be reassured of its authenticity. It just sounds like the kind of name you can trust. Not made up at all.

Here is an excerpt of this earnest letter written by good natured people who just want to get my "missing funds" to me so they can sleep at night, knowing they have done the world a great service.

"Due to this lost of Funds of your's which was suppose to be given to you but failed to."

When I studied grammar at primary school, high school and university, not once did I dare consider indulging in any number of these cardinal sins. This person deserves to be tied up in a small room with an audio recording of "Introduction to The Grammar of English" for desecrating a poor defenseless sentence.

Apparently, the object of the exercise is to fleece people out of anything between $180 and $396 to cover "shipping fees" for an ATM card. That's one heavy ATM card. If anyone is stupid enough to pay an exorbitant shipping fee to an illiterate stranger with a made up name, they really can't blame anyone else when their accounts get drained. I guess you could call it a stupidity test.

That said, I feel quite sure there is a special circle of hell reserved for spammers and identity thieves. And I'm not even religious.

They end the last part of the email with "Thanks and God bless you and your family."

Spooky eh?

So, in the interests of reciprocating this earnest outreach of human goodness, here is my response (posted here only, not emailed!):

Deer Mistir Ambrowse Wekkinbecc,

!Git Stuff'd.

yorz sincerelly,
LjPPPPPP

technorati tags: spam, eid, mubarak, text, scam, funds, bank, bad grammar

I watched a cute baby and his grandad strolling along the street today.  It was such a cute scene, the baby was cute, the grandpa was doting...  but something caught my eye.

The stroller's name was "Quinny".  I immediately recognised it from "Elizabeth" (or was it "Elizabeth - The Golden Age" - I can't remember).  Anyway, the term is a euphemism for the female genitalia.  Dating back to Elizabethan times, hence the word appearing in the film "Elizabeth".

I tried unsuccessfully to stop laughing out loud.  Then I stopped trying and just went with it.  Apparently the word is sooo Elizabethan era that it's a cute, sweet and altogether wholesome word again.

I hate to think what strollers will be called in 3010.

technorati tags: quinny, euphemism, elizabethan, elizabeth, stroller,