. . .

Monday, March 31, 2008

The following scenario took place yesterday in the park, early in the evening. My Partner was practicing golf, I had finished my walk and we were seated at a picnic table. Soon we were joined by The Dad and The Daughter.

The Dad: Hi guys, what's happening?

My Partner: Just practising some golf..

Me: Making the most of daylight saving...

The Daughter runs out and circles our picnic table, stopping in front of me.

The Daughter: I'm NINETYSIX!!

Me: Wow, you don't have any wrinkles or anything. Are you sure you're not six?

The Daughter: He doesn't have any wrinkles (runs to The Dad and points)

Me (to My Partner): That's so cute.

The Dad: Hey is The Simpsons actually drawn or is it that computer animation thing?

The Daughter: Homer has three hairs!

Me: I think they have animation cells so they probably draw it. They've got that exhibition...

The Daughter (grabbing The Dad's shirtsleeve): HE's got no hair like Homer Simpson!

(Awkward pause)

The Dad: So did you see that movie "American Beauty" last night?

My Partner: We watched a bit of it.

The Dad: Me too. But I fell asleep just as Kevin Spacey is getting shot in the head...

Me: How can you fall asleep in that part?

The Daughter: But he's HAIRY!! Here, here, here and here (pointing to various body parts)

My Partner: We saw Ratatouille as well.

The Dad: Haven't seen that one.

Me: It made me want to cook something, probably Ratatouille.

The Dad: What's it about?

Me: It's about a rat who wants to be a chef.

My Partner: It's really good.

The Daughter: ...AND HE'S GOT MAN BOOBS!!!

(Stunned silence)

The Dad (ignoring The Daughter): I think I'll rent the DVD out.

The Daughter: BIG HAIRY MAN BOOBS!!!

My Partner: Why don't you try a couple of shots (hands The Dad a golf club)

The Daughter: My mum hasn't got man boobs, she ran out of milk so she can't breastfeed my brother!

(Oh My God)

The Dad: (Loudly) Here, let me have a go.

The Dad hits a couple of shots.

My Partner: Mate, you don't have man boobs...

Me: (stifling giggles)

The Daughter: Little kids get man boobs too.
...but not as big as DAD'S BIG MAN BOOBS!!

The Dad: Hang on a second, we've got to stop this. Where did you hear about man boobs?

The Daughter: (pointing) From you!

The Dad: Really?

The Daughter: (proudly) Yep.

The Dad: Aha.

technorati tags:

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I saw one of those travel documentaries on the weekend. It was one of those "foods of the world" specials. I love to cook (and eat!) so I thought this would be good.

How wrong one can be.

As you know, I am a vegetarian. It is not something I would want to shove down anybody's throat (if you pardon the pun!) but I will tell you one thing.

I would rather be force fed a baked potato (in small pieces of course!) than be forced to drink bat's blood or some of the other "things" they showcased on the show. These things masqueraded as food for a while. Up until the time when one of the presenters had to take a bite.

The most distasteful bit (apart from the food itself) was the insincerity of a particular US based backpacker presenting the show. When eating the food, she will almost always say "Mmmmm. This is soooooo gooood. Mmmmm."

While her face says "Anybody got some Listerine? Like a whole bottle? Germs I tells you. Germs!!!!" I'm sure when the camera is off she spits it out and runs for the nearest bathroom.

I can't even call these things food. I'll just list them. And if my stomach permits (it won't!), I will add photos.

** Bat's blood and bat soup.
The presenter spat the bat's blood out. I wonder why.
Is it just me or is drinking the blood of a vampire kind of symbolic? I tried to find out some more info on this dish but all I could find were Halloween recipes.

Yes, Ozzy Ozbourne was reported to have bitten or eaten a bat onstage. He had an excuse. He was on drugs.

**Hedgehog. That's right. I can't remember which country. It was either the US or Canada. They went out. They "hunted" a hedgehog, ripped off all the spines, then cooked it. Amazingly, it tasted like sh!t.

This is probably why not many people eat hedgehogs. I don't know about you but when I look at that cute little fella in the picture, I don't automatically think "dinner".

**In Scandinavia, a traditional meal was served - a sheep's head on a plate. Yum yum. You have to eat the eyes, tongue and everything. Remind me not to travel to these places because I'm going to offend a lot of these people.

"You must have the eyeball. You are our honoured guest. We will be offended if you do not eat the eyeball."
"Thanks but no thanks. Got any lentil soup? No? I'll be off then. Nice meeting you."
"You must at least take the eyeball."
"Get f@cked you bunch of weirdos! I'm not going to eat your f@cking Hannibal Lecter food!!"
There endeth my exploits at diplomacy.

**Sheeps' uterus, and "Cock and balls". Pretty self explanatory. The presenter insisted they both tasted like calamari. I don't care if they taste like cheesecake with chocolate shavings, I've got a visual of where they came from. And what's been through them...

**Seal faeces and blubber.
I'm not joking but I hope somebody was. The guy actually tried it. I would have told that travel documentary company to shove it and started walking. These people sat on the kitchen floor in a kind of circle and passed around this concoction.
I mean what is the tradition here?

Did ancient people sit around and say "we've eaten all parts of the seal, now we must try the sh!t"

You know what I think? I think the peoples of the world got extremely bored and started daring each other to eat inedible things. Perhaps they kept doing it for so long that they started to take these hideous dishes a bit too seriously. After a while they couldn't remember exactly why they started eating this crap in the first place and then it became "tradition". Once it is tradition it is hard to break. Even if the tradition is sticking porcupine needles in your behind while dancing on a first-born donkey while gargling bat's blood and seal sh!t.

technorati tags:

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I can't think of anything to write and it's driving me mad. Does anybody else go through this while writing their blog? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGRGHGHHHHGHGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

F@ckity! F@ck! F@ck! F@ck!








technorati tags:

Monday, March 17, 2008

I haven't been able to get near my computer for a while now, everything has been down. Some nasty little thing calling itself "Virtumonde" decided to worm (pardon the pun!) itself into the registry.

What is your worst nightmare when dealing with spyware and viruses? I'll tell you what mine is, for the damn thing to keep reappearing after a virus and spyware scan. Which, incidentally is exactly what happened.

The trouble with spyware scans is that they take so damn long. But a lot of the time they take so long because you have been infected with spyware. So scanning can take most of the day. Then you "fix" all the problems, restart, and the problems reappear like magic. Black magic.

After installing CA internet protection, I got rid of Spybot S&D and Ad-Aware. I'm not too fussed about Ad-Aware because the only version available now is the 2007 version which is resource hungry and my GOD does-it-slow-things-down. CA Internet protection also slows things down to almost a standstill. They have a fantastic anti-virus (VET) - I seriously think this is one of the best. Their spyware protection is pretty good, it seems to pick up some things that Symantec anti-spyware misses. The firewall, anti-spam and internet surf protect are bloat factor - I uninstalled them.

But...you can't do without Spybot S&D in my opinion. It's free and you can download it from Safer Networking. This is the only program I have found that consistently picks up what the other spyware scans miss out. P.S. Never download an anti-spyware problem from a flashing ad or sponsored link. Always check PC world ratings and various other feedback about the program before downloading.

I have been combing over the registry and using various programs like Vundofix. This program is supposed to fix what the other programs can't. For some reason it didn't work for me but I have read many blogs and forum posts about how Vundofix had worked for them.

Beware if you open IE or Opera or Firefox and your usual pages have unusual ads on them. Be especially wary if an ad disappears, then reappears as a flashing box saying "You have won!!!" or "You are the 999,999th visitor! Click here!". Sometimes they try to look like windows error messages, sometimes naked people holding telephones appear. Which is quite frightening when you were just trying to do a search on Ebay.

After combing through the registry (and a little help from my Obi Wan nerd!) it seems the problem has finally gone. Spybot S&D is a permanent fixture now and in conjunction with CA spyware protection, it should be ok.


There's a lot of talk about Mortgages these days - the Sub-Prime crisis has affected many countries, interest rates and inflation all contribute to anxiety when choosing a mortgage. It makes it even more important to get a good deal that will put you in the best position to ride out the ups and downs of the global markets and trends. Make sure you visit mortgage comparison sites on the internet, compare bank rates and see how much you can save. You might be surprised. The Reserve Bank has speculated about raising interest rates again so make sure you take these factors into account when choosing a home loan that suits you.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

It's that time of year again. After dealing with a bout of 'flu (which I am still trying to shake!!) I have weeded out clothes that I have never and will never wear (more Ebay misadventures!!) like this one:

Amazingly when you get rid of something, it seems to make room for another, more appropriate something. Like this pair of black cords I found for $13 on Ebay. The postage came to $8 for a total of $21. Which I still consider a success, although a tad more expensive than my other purchases.

Strangely, I have also taken to cleaning every spare chance I get. It must be the weather. Or the change of seasons.

The trouble with Melbourne weather is that you can't tell which season it is. I saw a poor confused tree turn all its leaves brown while we were still in summer. Winter made an appearance during the time we expect 35 degrees and up and now that it's Autumn (fall for US readers!!), almost the entire week will be above 30 degrees Celsius. WTF?? Not that I blame global warming or El Nino or La Nina ENTIRELY... Melbourne is famous for ridiculously inappropriate weather.

I remember this lady coming up to me at the station on the way to play a game of golf. She said "I don't understand. It crazy." I could tell she was talking about the weather, having recently moved from China. "I take my kids to beach. It sunny. Then storm, grey sky, my kids run in from water all freezing" she hugged herself to demonstrate. "I wear shorts, I need raincoat. I need hat, then I need umbrella. CRAZY!!" She shook her head and walked away, gesturing wildly.

As I watched her disappear down to the end of the platform I quietly smiled to myself and thought "welcome to Melbourne."

technorati tags:
Insurance is there to work for you so you shouldn't just go with the first quote you can find. The beauty of the internet is that you can get instant online quotes to compare and contrast to get the best deal possible. No matter whether you are looking for home insurance, Courier Insurance , insurance for your van, truck or car, you can get instant online quotes in minutes.

Autonet Insurance Group (see screenshot) provides quick information about insurance plus special deals including a saving of up to 70% off for van insurance. Clearly, it pays to shop around for the best deal. If you do your research effectively you could end up saving a whole lot more on your insurance policy. For example, if you get a quote for Autonet and you can find a cheaper insurance policy with the same level of cover, Autonet will give you a refund. The quote process seems to be pretty straightforward, with a seven step process (that is, seven screens) to filling out the quote request. Or you can call to speak to a real person if that is your preference. My favourite part of the site was the funny insurance claims section. This includes actual insurance claims. Here is an example of their contents:
"The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo."*
*source: Autonet insurance website.