I have been scouring the world of stupid t-shirts looking for the most idiotic, disturbing and whacked out t-shirts of them all.  This is no mean feat.  What constitutes a stupid t-shirt?  There is a fine line between humour and overshare, witty and obvious.  And of course, some t-shirts are just out and out wrong.

You be the judge:
(Warning, slightly non-kid friendly themes... and in no particular order)

1.  "It's My Network"

If you need this t-shirt to advertise that you are surrounded by scantily clad women then you probably aren't.  My advice to those considering buying a t-shirt such as this, firstly think "would James Bond wear this?"  If the answer is no, move along...

2.  "Ex Masturbator"

For the love of decency, people!  Why are you guys smiling?  Is this a joke?  Please, please take these t-shirts off... the market.
OVERSHARE MUCH!!!!!




3.  "If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off"

Obviously, this is the back of the t-shirt.  Clearly designed for motorbike riders.

I'm afraid that my sides have split from the witty subtlety of it all.  Can you spell lawsuit?

4.  "If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right"

All kinds of creepy.  Please don't wear it around Star Wars fans like me.  The fact that it happened once in the film was disturbing enough.
DUDE-SHE-IS-YOUR-SISTER!!!!  Argh!!

5.  "I Bought This T-Shirt To Cover Up My Muffin Top"
Um...  OVERSHARE!!!!

 6.   "Mormons etc. Are All Wrong!!"

It's a free country I suppose. But just because you can wear this t-shirt doesn't mean you actually should.  P.S. If you must wear it, make sure you avoid churches, mosques and remote temples on top of mountains, supermarkets, pubs, trains, planes and automobiles.

7.  "Stop Looking At My Chest!"

Fine, I will stop looking at your chest, as soon as I stop reading the big writing on your t-shirt that just happens to be located in your chestel region.

8.  "Don't Bother, I'm Not Drunk Yet."
If you read into the subtext of this, it speaks volumes.

9.  Jihad
Do not wear to airports.  Or anywhere with jumpy security.  You might find they haven't got a sense of humour.

10.  Justin Bieber t-shirt






 

technorati tags: justin bieber, bad t shirts, stupid t shirts, wrong t shirts, weird t shirts, offensive t shirts, funny tshirts, rude t shirts, crazy t shirts, novelty t-shirts, t shirt sayings, retro t shirts, offensive shirts, vintage t-shirts

What is Latency?

When you record directly from a microphone or instrument, the audio signal is sent to your computer, converted into a digital signal and then back into analog and sent to your speakers. This is the process responsible for causing the frustrating "lag" or latency effect, where your tracks are recorded "late". When you play back your tracks, your latest recorded track will be out of sync with the first one. If you have experienced this problem, you will be familiar with this effect and you are probably tearing your hair out daily.

Thankfully there are a number of ways to fix latency in Windows Vista.  You can try all of these or just a few to try to fix your latency problem:


1.  Upgrade your RAM


The faster your computer, the less likelihood of latency being a problem.  As the saying goes, "you can never be too rich or too thin".  Or have too much RAM.  Get a memory upgrade to at least 4GB if you can and ideally see if you can upgrade to the maximum your slots can take.  If you are unsure, speak to your nearest tech head or check forums and manufacturers pages.



2.  Download ASIO4ALL

ASIO4ALL is the universal ASIO driver for Win 98SE/ME/2k/XP/MCE/2003/XP64 and Vista/Windows 7 x86/x64.  For some, a quick download of this free program is all you will need to fix latency issues.  You may need to tweak the buffer and latency sliders until you reach an acceptable level of latency. 

4.  Upgrade from Windows Vista to Windows 7.

Unfortunately for many users, Windows Vista is S-L-O-W, notorious for maximizing latency and is known as a problematic operating system for multitrack recording.  I'm going to come right out and say it, it is definitely worth the investment upgrading now rather than tweaking away with Vista until you are blue in the face.  Windows 7 can help your machine work quicker and easier.  The minute I upgraded my laptop from Windows Vista to Windows 7, I instantly noticed the difference in speed.



5.  Get an Audio Interface

How does an audio interface improve latency?  An audio interface will replace your sound card for the time it is on and plugged into your machine.  With direct monitoring, your interface will bypass the latency loop so you hear your sounds in real time.

When I bought my M-Audio Fast Track, I found that it simplified recording into a "plug and play" experience, removed latency and on top of all that, made the recording software fun to use.  You can plug a microphone straight in to the XLR jack and guitar leads (or mic leads) plug straight in to the 1/4 in jacks.  Once you are plugged in, you just start recording.

The M-Audio Fast Track uses a "Direct Monitoring" (zero latency) button, allowing the user to hear the recorded tracks while hearing the track as you record.  For this stage you need to make sure that you have done these two things (important):

* Plug in speakers for monitoring your recordings
* Use headphones to monitor your sound while you are recording

If you have followed these steps, your direct monitoring should work fine.

Minimum System Requirements (PC)

Windows XP (SP3)* or Windows Vista 32/64 or WIN 7

Pentium 4 2.0GHz

1GB RAM

one native USB port

* Home and Professional Edition only. Windows Media Center Edition is not supported.



Minimum System Requirements (Mac)

OS X 10.4.11 Or better

G4 processor**

1GB RAM

one native USB port

** G4 accelerator cards not supported.


Features

- Includes Pro Tools M-Powered Essential software

- Works with most popular recording software--including Pro Tools M-Powered 8*

- 1/4 in. instrument input: Record guitar, bass and keyboards

- Phantom powered XLR mic input: Use dynamic and studio-grade condenser microphones

Stereo RCA outputs: Easily connects to your stereo system or powered monitors


You will need the updated drivers to install the Fast Track on Windows 7.  M-Audio has now released compatible drivers for Windows 7 in 32 bit and 64 bit:

MAudioWin732bit

MAudioWin764bit

Installation

*  Download M-Audio driver (if you don't know if your system is 32 bit or 64 bit, click the "Start" button (bottom left corner), right click on "computer" and select "properties", "system".  Windows 7 will tell you what version you are running.

*  Install the driver exe file by double clicking, wait until Windows 7 notifies you that installation has been and the M-Audio icon shows up in your taskbar:

*  Plug in your M-Audio Fast Track.

*  Plug in your microphone or instrument jack and start recording!



There are more expensive audio interfaces on the market, it just depends on your needs as to which one to buy.  In my case, I needed something simple and this interface fitted the bill perfectly.  By all means, if you have the funds and the inclination, go for a more expensive model.

Other audio devices worth considering:

Behringer FCA202

Focusrite Saffire Pro 24

 

MOTU 828mk3

Important note: what works for some people may not work for you.  Do your research and get independent advice.  All systems are different and results may vary from one setup to another.  There will always be a possibility that an audio interface will not work so understand the risks when taking any advice.

technorati tags: audio, latency, m-audio fast track, personal, recording, shopping, Vista, how to fix latency,how to stop latency, latency in multitrack, latency recording, latency in Vista, latency Windows, usb audio,pro tools 8, audio interface, usbaudio, m audio pro, computer recording, recording to computer, fixinglatency, latency fix, fix latency, m audio interfaces

This is the perfect solution to the diet question:

What treats can I have?

Well, I have come up with yet another diet (I should be launching these as books!) for those watching their weight.

It's called the "Inedible" Diet

1.  The treats look delicious
2.  The magic of imagery tricks you into thinking you have eaten cakes and pastries
3.  They serve an ornamental function as jewellery

**Note:  mind you don't try and eat these, they are made from polymer clay!



Mini diet piece #1:  Carrot Cake Charm

Mmm.  Yum yum!  No need to worry about portion sizes!




Mini diet piece #2:  Mini Christmas Cookies

Don't mind if I do, I suppose another one won't hurt...



Mini diet piece #3:   Cupcake Charm

Do I wear them?  Or eat them?  Heck with it, I'll just look at them!




And of course, what banquet would be complete without....



Mini diet piece #4:  Mini Gefilte Fish

Alright!  Gimme the fish already!!

technorati tags: gefilte fish, Christmas, Hanukkah, cupcake, mini cake, jewellery, jewelry, cookies, charm,earring, decoration, miniature

Disclaimer: although pretty tame, if you are under 18 or easily offended, this is not for you.


I was watching a comedian on TV talking about edible underwear and the concept has floated in my mind for days.

The first question I would ask is "why"?

The second thing that really started to bother me was the "material" from which they are made.  This comedian mentioned the stuff that edible underpants are made from and it's been giving me nightmares.

So it's a sticky, sugary, fruity sheet type thing.  Designed for.. well actually, I don't really want to think about what they are for.  Use your imagination.  Or don't.  Preferably don't.

The thing that bothers me the most is that you are supposed to wear these things as underwear.  I don't want to go into too much detail but there are two problems with this.

1.  It's warm down there.

2.  Hair

Now if you get someone who is over enthusiastic and tries to take these things off quickly...

Well, only a qualified beautician should be allowed to do that.  Under strict, clinical conditions using the proper utensils.


It baffles me how shoving a couple of fruit rollups down your dacks is somehow deemed to be alluring to the opposite sex.

Each to his/her own I suppose.

In any case, if you do ever buy/use/eat?!!?! these things, exercise extreme caution, lest you experience an instant Brazilian.

technorati tags: edible underpants, edible underwear, lingerie, weird, underwear, edible, panties

My latest purchase consists of a great new LED photon light device, used to correct uneven skin tone and various other skin concerns.
 
The device itself is great, works perfectly, I am very happy indeed.

LED Photon Light Device

The part I found most amusing about the whole transaction was the instruction leaflet.  Please note, I am not joking and this leaflet really contains these phrases.

"Colourful Photon Skin Tenderizer"

I'm somehow nervous already...

Main benefits

• Light waves irradiate skin cells

What the hey?...

• Promotes rebuilding of collagen fibers and other flexible fibers

Like cotton?  Or spandex perhaps?  I've got some old bike shorts need repairing...

And finally,

Please stop the operation in case any stimulated phenomenon

Stimulated phenomenon?  What, like my compass and watch stopping on a deserted road?

Trust no one!!!

technorati tags: LED, LED photon, LED light, LED skin, LED photon Skin, red LED, blue LED

When geek and love collide, it looks something like this....

Geek Love Poem (The following T-Shirts are courtesy of Think Geek)

Alright, I get the first part, what's with the "base are" bit?

That's not even proper English!

***Holds eyes tightly shut while waiting for inevitable berating comment from Xanthar Doomsayer III (aka Colin)***



Intimate nerd apparel

Please don't blog this.  Please.  Really.



Love vs chocolate - chocolate wins

For when love is not forthcoming
...or I just prefer chocolate...  SORRY!! Theobromine.


 
Love is... free IT support

I should have bought one of these at age 14...



When 2 geeks fall in love, and make little geeks, there is really only one option:

That's two options.  FAIL.  *smacks forehead*


And completely unrelated...
Haley Joel Osment I Ain't

I don't think I've got enough space to fit all these t-shirts but I might just have to buy them all.  Starting with this one. 

technorati tags: geek, humor, funny jokes, funny t shirt, geek love, lol, funny pictures, slogan, funniest t shirts,

Ebay has made some updates to include a number of features designed to help the ebayer um... buy stuff.

So the first change includes a diversification of the watch list.

Personally, I love the watch list, it shows me everything I'm GOING to buy.  And it always seems to work out that I do manage to buy most of the things on my watch list.

Now we have some new lists:

Watch List (existing)
Gift Ideas (new)
Research (new)
Wish List (new)

So when you find an item you like/love, and you "add to list", you now have a choice:

For me, my watch list IS my wish list but... I can dig it.

The gift ideas list is a great addition - you can be super organised when it comes to birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas.  This is a feature I will be using frequently.

Research is an interesting one.  I thought I was the only person who did research on ebay.  Apparently not.  I will no doubt use this section as well.  This section is appropriate for forming an opinion about a type of product or category.  For example, "Windows 7".  You can compare prices, types/versions (eg. home, professional) , features etc. before you make your final decision.  The research section will be handy for those items that I will be purchasing in the future.

I love the idea of breaking up lists into categories.  Too many times I have found myself with 50 watched items and no idea where to start.  Now the items can be broken down into bite sized pieces.  You can also create your own customised lists (say, the name of a gift recipient or a category).  I can see myself having a bit of fun with this!

For more fun with ebay, check out my updated "Let's Go Shopping" sidebar ->>>>>

technorati tags: ebay, ebay changes, ebay updates, ebay australia, ebay shop, my ebay, ebay au, ebayauction, ebay account

For the fifth time this month I have seen an all too familiar sight:

1.  A dog
2.  An absent owner (possibly shopping)
3.  A leash fastening the dog to a pole
4.  The dog shivering uncontrollably

Why?  Because it's COLD!

Dog owners please note:  A dog isn't able to dress itself in the morning the way that we do.  So, to compensate for this canine inadequacy, us dog owners need to dress the dog in appropriate clothing for the weather.  In Melbourne, for example, it has been 2 banshee shrieks close to freezing in Melbourne for the last few weeks.

Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration.  Since we don't really get snow or anything.  But... some dogs (especially small dogs) have a low tolerance to cold.  So if it is 14 degrees outside and you are wearing a scarf, please make sure your dog is dressed too.

It is easy to keep your dog warm and if your dog could speak (yes, I know some do - at least they do on YouTube), it would thank you from the bottom of its shivering heart.

technorati tags: dog accessories, dogcoat, dog coats, dog apparel, dogcarriers, dog clothing, dog jacket, dogsweater, dog vest, dog sweaters, dogsclothes, dog harnesses, dog jackets,small dog clothes , dog life jacket,dogs coat

I was browsing the perfumes in the chemist today, admiring the shapely bottles, imagining the spicy and floral fragrances.

I saw a bottle marked "Go" and thought to myself:  Yes.  Go-getter, trend setter, that's me, I'll have a spritz of that one.

After a lengthy spray on my wrists I smoothed a bit on my neck pressure point, finished my purchases and walked outside.

Then it hit me.

What is that smell?

It evokes er...  I can't quite place it... images of stubble... er... hairy sinks... gravel rash... er... DAMN IT!!!

A wonderous waft came up to my nostrils and I realised that blokey-smell was in fact me.


I checked out the blurb on the Go! website:

"...it not only changes the way you smell but changes the way you feel"

You're telling me.

...Could the hint of violet leaf be responsible for catching that girl's eye or not?"

Probably.  I may get a few looks from women thinking "why is that chick wearing aftershave?"

Would it have killed them to put "Pour Homme" on the dang bottle?

I did wonder why it was next to the David Beckham and Old Spice though...


So now, for the rest of the day (and night) I will smell like Eau De Bloke.

technorati tags: joop go, joop, eau de toilette, pour homme, perfume, fragrance, aftershave, perfume forwomen, eau toilette, men's fragrances, men's aftershave,

It's easy to feel like you are behind the eight ball when it comes to Women's fashion. Sometimes I just throw on the first thing that I see in the morning. Actually, no, that's most days. But sometimes I like to think about what goes into a look, how to accessorise, and all the other fun things that come with being a fashionista.




















Enter Stylecaster.com - The site features the most popular look of the day, featured trends in fashion, various types of colour combination for picking the best looks.

Create your own unique style and find out what inspiration keeps the future of style and fashion both updated and constantly changing. Personally, I like to shop, so I was pleased to note that you can shop by designer (just like my own sidebar feature!), or by category such as bags, shoes, accessories etc. I managed to find items such as bathing suits, sunglasses, and of course, my elusive "messenger bag". It will be mine. Oh yes...

The latest fashion industry news keeps us up to date with what is happening with the latest designers and new trends.

And of course, my favourite fashion accessory, funny t-shirts. A bit nerdy, a bit grungy. Just my kind of style...

Brought to you by Stylecaster.com

Special days have a way of creeping up on you. Before you know it, it is someone's Birthday, Valentine's Day or some other special occasion. And lets face it, not all of us have time to get to the shops to find gifts at the last minute. That's where Gift Cards can give us the unfair advantage. Gift cards give the recipient a wide range of items from which they can choose the perfect present for themselves.

The best part about shopping online is the convenience. You can buy gifts at any time, get special discounts and take delivery without even leaving your computer. No crowds, no traffic jams, no public transport and no headaches. Everybody wins.















Using GiftZip is surprisingly easy. Check out how the Gift Cards work for the complete rundown on how to use the site. You may have a gift in mind, say a Ralph Lauren gift card. Just search for the store logo and click - now you should see this box:

















It won't take you long to figure out how to use this feature. Just click on "GiftZip It!" and it will take you to Ralph Lauren's site to purchase the gift card.

Your gift card will then be sent to the email address of your recipient. It can be also sent to your own email address to print for your records.

This is the perfect solution to those last-minute gift panics. Just choose a brand and you can send a gift card in minutes. This is a great idea for the times where you just can't get to the shops or it is just too late to think about hunting around for the perfect gift. It works especially well if you happen to know the preferred brand of your nearest and dearest - they can find exactly what they want and you can provide them with the ultimate shopping experience.

You can also find Gift Certificates for unique gifts. In this section you can purchase gift cards for special, personalized items like t-shirts, baby items, custom printed artwork and charity gifts. I especially liked the Canvas on demand gifts - you can use your own photo and get it printed on a canvas. There is such a wide selection of gift ideas you should be able to find something for everyone. The site contains gift card ideas for him, for her, house, gourmet items and sporting goods.

Hmmm, methinks a golfing gift might be on the cards, if you pardon the pun...

Welcome to the wonderful world of weird and wacky toilet seat designs. I used to frequent a cafe in Brunswick Street, Fitzroy. The toilets in this establishment were my favourites, due to their pristine cleanliness and due to their crazy toilet seat designs.

I have finally tracked down these wonderful hand-crafted designs so you can make a theme room for your bathroom:


Rubber Ducky Toilet Seat


















Rubber ducky, you're the one... who makes... actually I'm going to stop singing now. This would be perfect for kids and the young at heart alike. Rubber duckies are not just for baths anymore!!











BeachToilet Seat




















She sells sea shells by the.... dunny.

Do you have a beach house? Do you live near the ocean? Why not create a beach theme for the smallest room in the house. Complete with sand and shells nicely encased in smooth poly resin so you won't get sand caught in an unspeakable place.



Barbed WireToilet Seat



















This looks painful, but is actually quite nifty and rather artistic. A bit odd, I must admit but I always liked this design. No need to look out for the redback spider hiding somewhere in the loo, it's already on the seat!


DolphinToilet Seat





















My personal favourite. It's blue, it's got little dolphins, sand and shells inside it. It's very er... relaxing.

technorati tags: bathroom design, buy toilet, buy toilet seat, buy toilet seats, clear toilet seat,designer toilet seats, ebay, novelty toilet seat, novelty toilet seats, plastic toilet seat, toilet seat,toilet seats, barbed wire, sea shell, dolphin, rubber ducky

Yoda. He never goes out of style. He has been quoted alongside the greatest philosophers of our time. He has influenced many individuals and created a kind of spirituality adhered to by Star Wars fans and their relatives:   

Yoda Computer Bobble-Head Ornament

















I couldn't think of a better character to perch atop a computer screen, head bobbing and wisdom dispersing as you do... whatever it is you do on your computer.


Here are a few possible Yoda computer ornament quotes:

"Invoices you must print"

"Porn you must not surf"

"Tweet you must"

"Get off Facebook you will, or forever will it dominate your destiny"


(bobs head)

technorati tags: action figure, action figures, action figures toys, collectibles, ebay, jedi starwars, star wars, star wars action figures, star wars figures, star wars toys, starwars, yoda,star wars accessories

Wikipedia's definition about t-shirts describes a buttonless, collarless shirt in which to cover a person's torso. I define it as essential clothing. Without t-shirts, honestly I wouldn't have anything to wear!!

Remember the movie "The Hangover"? Well, the Hangover tshirts are now available. The guys wake up in Vegas with a tiger in the bathroom and a baby in the closet. Just a typical day, really.

The baby is dubbed Carlos because nobody knows its name. And because he looks like a Carlos. His real name is actually Tyler.

Memorable quotes from the film:

Stu Price: We're in a stolen cop car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. What part of this is cool?
Alan Garner: I think the cop car part's pretty cool.
(quote IMDB)

So, you too can wear the t-shirt with baby Carlos. Possible accessories include a hangover, a tiger, stolen vehicles and amnesia. Only kidding!! Wear with caution.





















Other funny t-shirts include the obligatory Lolcats shirt:





















And this rather sinister Pac Man t-shirt:

















Run Blinky!!

Interesting bit of trivia: Did you know that in the original version of Pac Man, Blinky's actual name was "Shadow".

After a number of enquiries eg. "where do I buy Mr Flibble?" as a result of my last Mr Flibble post, I have finally tracked down the site where you can buy the elusive Mr Flibble puppet.

The site is called Mr Flibble Is Cross, which is an appropriate name as Mr Flibble is very cross indeed. You can buy Mr Flibble, watch Mr Flibble videos and remenisce with all the Mr Flibble related quotes from the legendary episode of Red Dwarf III - "Quarantine".
























I have been asking myself the question "why do so many people want to buy Mr Flibble"? After a bit of research (it didn't take long!) I found that the main reason was for fancy dress purposes. That's right, there are a number of guys and girls out there itching to don the red and white checked gingham dress, the army boots, the blonde plaited wig and hat. And this outfit would look pretty silly (what am I saying!) without a Mr Flibble hand puppet to complete the look.

Of course, some people want to buy the puppet as memorabilia. To scare their children into cleaning their rooms perhaps.

Parent: (said in monotone) "If you don't clean your room, Mr Flibble will become very cross. And you know what happens when Mr Flibble gets cross, don't you?"

Kid "Aaargh!!!" (cleans room in record time)

To all the fellow Red Dwarf fans, good luck with your search for Mr Flibble, long live Quarantine and thank God for British comedy!!

technorati tags: buy red dwarf, mr fibble, mr flibble, mr flibbles, red dwarf, red dwarf 3, reddwarf collection, red dwarf dvd, red dwarf episode, red dwarf mr flibble puppet, red dwarf mrflibbles, red dwarf part 3 red dwarf series, reddwarf, quarantine

Just when I thought I'd seen it all, this comes along:

Doga (Dog Yoga)





















A.K.A. "Dog Yoga" or "Ruff Yoga". I saw this book in the newsagent today and lost it.

1. I hope they don't want the dog to read it. I have enough trouble getting them to say "woof"

2. Getting a dog to "sit", "stay" and "don't chew the furniture" can take years in dog training school. The mind boggles at a dog trying to learn "Salute to the Sun" in a short period of time.

3. Dogs would be good at the "Downward Dog Pose", I'll give them that.

4. Is the yoga actually taught by dogs? If so, THEN I'm impressed.

5. Possible dog poses to try:

"Digging the roses out of the garden" pose

"Smell another dog's behind" pose

"Go mad at the doorbell" pose

"Bark at nothing in particular for 30 minutes" exercise

The strange and rather challenging "Leg humping" pose

"Tap dance across tiles and slide into a bicycle and a bunch of toys" pose


According to the author, dogs are already born yoga masters. Well, good. Perhaps they can teach me. The book is, of course a little tongue in cheek (or tongue flapping out the car window, depending on your species) and combines humour and yoga and er... well, dogs.

Apparently dogs have a natural "tranquility" - yeah. Tell that to the mailman.


Yes, dogs can do a lot of things, but can they do this?

Hmm. I don't think so.

"Dogs are natural yoga masters" eh?

Well... some humans can naturally do yoga. At least I think that's what this guy is doing.

Perhaps we can just leave yoga to the humans and let dogs just be... er... dogs.

technorati tags: doga, funny animal pictures, funny animals, funny pics, funny picture, funnypictures, funny stuff, yoga