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This post brought to you by Bed and Breakfast Paris.

After a long battle with the automated system the mechanical voice finally puts me through to a human.

The line is long-distance and crackling. Possibly Delhi, I couldn't tell.

"Hello, Telstra how can I help you?"

"Hi, yes, I went to a Telstra shop last week and paid for an unlocking code. The guy couldn't unlock it so he put me on to this line and the lady said she would request a unique code for me and call me back within 3-4 working days."

"Yees?"

"Well, it's more than 3-4 working days and I haven't got a call."

Silence.

"So I'm calling up to get my code."

"I will have to put in a request."

"No, no, you don't understand. I spoke to someone already - they put in the request for the unique code."

The sounds of her typing in the background go ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka

"On the 21st of April?"

"Yes, that's right. And I've paid for it already, all I'm waiting for is my code."

"Yes, I can see it. It's coming up as 0000 0000."

"Yes, that's the code that the guy at the Telstra shop used. It didn't work. I'm waiting for the unique one."

"That's it, all I've got here. Would you like me to put in a request?"

"What happened to the original request? The one the lady already did for me?"

"It's not showing up. Would you like me to put in a request?"

"There's already been a request. Can you get her on the phone for me? Maybe she's got my code already"

"I can't tell you who it was."

"Can you find out? It would be best for me to speak to her since she was the person I was dealing with on the phone at the Telstra shop"

"Do you have her employee number?"

"Why would I have that? No. Strangely she didn't give it to me."

"Then we can't do anything."

"Let me get this straight. I paid for my phone to be unlocked. The guy at the Telstra shop doesn't unlock it, then he puts me on the phone to a lady who apparently doesn't exist. This lady says 'I'll put in a request for you' and now you can't find her."

"I can put in a request, it will take 3-4 working days."

"I want to speak to your manager."

"I can't do that."

"Yes you can. Just put me on hold and get your manager. I want to find out what's going on here."

"It's not possible..."

"Could you please just put them on?"

~HOLD MUSIC~
~10 LONG MINUTES PASS~

The long distance crackle is gone. The phone line is much clearer.

"Hello, I'm the manager how can I help you?"

*Exploding*
"Yes. Where do I start. I-went-to-a-Telstra-shop. The guy couldn't unlock it. He put me on to the phone service. The lady on the phone said she would put in a request for an unlock code and it's been over 3-4 working days and I still haven't got a call from her."

"Mmm"

ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka

"There's no records here I'm afraid. Nothing about a request being put through."

"Excuse me but the lady I just spoke to, not two minutes ago she knows it happened. On the 21st of April, she even knew the date."

"All we've got is a record of you paying for it. No request was put through. Do you want me to put one in now for you?"

"No, I don't want to wait another week when I should have had this code a couple of days ago. I'd like to find out what happened to the original one from last week. Can't you look it up? There must be something there."

"Do you have her employee number?"

"What? No. No I don't. Why would I?"

"There's no record of a request."

"But there was! She told me she'd do it. 'Put in a request', that's what she said."

"Ah, you're talking about a *insert weasel word here* request. As opposed to a *insert other weasel word here* request."

"Look, I don't care about the internal machinations of your department. I just care about my unlock code. Why is it that you can't you find it? How is this possible?"

Silence.

Silence.

Realisation slowly dawns as my shoulders sink.

"...Because the lady on the phone at the Telstra shop never did anything, did she? She just told me she'd put in a request, then hung up the phone after speaking to me and did absolutely nothing."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"...Left me waiting for days.."

"That's what it looks like."

"And now I have to go through all of it again."

"I'll put in the request."

ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka

(groan) "If you do find her, perhaps you could have a talk to her."

"Oh yes, there'll be some enquiries."

"Like these ones? That's great."

"Is there anything else we can help you with today?"

(restrained) "No. No there isn't. Thank you."

technorati tags: telstra shop phone mobile sim unlock

I played my fourth game of golf this year over the weekend. I would like to say it was easy, that I hit every shot like Tiger Woods and chipped around the greens like Seve Ballesteros. It was one of those days when I almost felt like golf was conspiring against me to make me quit. There were a number of factors contributing to my experience:

1. Public Holidays = Golf

It was a public holiday. My partner and I assumed everyone would be at the Dawn Service, then the ANZAC Day marches and barbeques and two-up.

WRONG!!

Everyone and their dog was playing golf. Not literally, because dogs aren't allowed on the course.


2. Slow Play


















The people in front of us were S-L-O-W. Unfortunately, the people in front of them were even slower. Which made for quite an interesting bottleneck.

I don't know about you but when the people in front are slow it really irritates me. If they are genuinely trying to hit the ball I don't mind so much but these particular individuals chatted, paused, changed clubs, walked back to their bags, paused and generally fluffed around. GRRRRR!!


3. Bad Etiquette


































The people behind us (a group of 4) hit up on us constantly. My partner and I are fast players, always keeping up with the group in front. Walking after my first shot, I looked up to see a ball whizzing less than a metre from me. I turned back to look at the offenders. My reward was to get another ball whizzing even closer. "Fore" would have been nice.

Later, on the next tee one of the guys yelled out. "Sorry about that before." and I said "no worries."

I was, however thinking if you were actually sorry you would have yelled 'fore' so I didn't get hit.

They continued to pummel people with balls and crowd around the tee while other groups were playing. When I went to tee off the bastards were talking and laughing in my backswing. I was 10 etiquette rules away from swinging the other way and hitting the ball into the centre of their ill-mannered gaggle.


4. Stress

When I get faced with these situations I get uptight and find it hard to relax properly. I think I handled it pretty well but it was only on the 8th tee I realised how beautiful the course is and how I haven't been noticing it at all.


5. Reality Check

It was only when I got to the nineteenth hole that I realised I had got my first bogey. Ever. I remember it happening at the time, congrats from my partner, but we had to hurry off the green and whiz along to the next one.

I also realised that I had hit my longest ever drive on the third hole, leaving just a short chip to the green.

And then I realised the 8th tee had been the staging point for my most spectacular 5-iron shot ever. And my longest.

It's amazing how golf can creep up on you like that. You think you played a certain way (I thought I had played terribly) but the further away you get from the round, the more you realise how well you actually did. I went away thinking I had lost the plot and my partner thought I had played the best game of my life. I just couldn't see it at the time. Which is funny because he thought he had played terribly as well but got a score similar to his average round.

This is an important lesson. Don't ever walk off the course in disgust (I saw two people do this during our round). Don't throw clubs or deliberately mess up because you don't care anymore. Just play the hole and go on to the next one. It is very difficult to judge your own performance while you are in the midst of a round. Trust you are doing okay and just keep going. Luckily, that's what we did on this day and that's why I have my first bogey on my scorecard. :-)


BOGEY: One over par for the hole. The word orginates from a mythical golfer, Colonel Bogey, who was said to play every hole in the standard stroke score.

It was originally used to describe the target score which a good amateur should achieve, in the same way "par" became associated with professionals.

The two terms were interchangeable at one stage, until "par" became the standard term.

- source BBC Sport

technorati tags: golf etiquette colonel bogey