It's time for Christmas shopping. ARGH!!!!

Here are some nifty gadget gift ideas to consider:


Apple Ipod Shuffle (512MB) - RRP $69.00



This ipod shuffle is not the latest model so you can get a bargain here. I personally don't need more than 120 songs in an MP3 player because my walks don't go that far!!! I mean how many songs do you need?

It doesn't seem to be available on the Apple website anymore but I found it on the Dick Smith site. You might want to call first to see if they have it in stock.


Ipod Shuffle 1GB model - RRP $119



Okay, if you DO need 240 songs here is the brand spanking new 2nd Generation whiz bang Ipod shuffle. Its small. Apple calls it "The world's smallest digital music player". They have this feature called "Remix and Match" where they autofill songs for you.

That is...choose songs for you. Jazz and Rap. Wow. You know what? It might be a good idea to choose your own songs. Unless you are really easy about what you listen to. I couldn't think of anything worse than listening to "Cafe Del Mar Version 234" instead of Sonic Youth, Nirvana, Hole, Cay, Foos and Garbage.


Ministry of Sound Stix Special Edition (256mb) - RRP $59 (Dick Smith), $89 from Ministry of Sound website



120 songs and voice recorder function. This is the budget model that comes complete with 10 preloaded Ministry of Sound "tracks". Like I said, unless you like this sort of thing, delete and load your own.


Ipod Nano (2GB) - RRP$219



This is the big one - it holds up to 500 songs, 6000 photos or a combination of the two. This is not the model I will be buying myself for Christmas. This is for the private school kids I share a train with. And next year it will be the 8GB model. Or the 200GB, depending on technology and the nag factor. Yeesh!!!

I bought this Audioline cordless phone for around $25.00

The phone looks good however it has a couple of problems with functionality.

1. When you put the phone back on the charger, it either goes "beep", which means yippee it's going to charge properly.... or it doesn't go beep, you don't notice, then you get an important call and all you can hear is "de de" - the dulcet tones of the battery warning feature.

2. And this is the really incredible one.... the "3" button doesn't work. Or it does work but then it registers twice. You practically need a hammer to make it register. So if you're trying to pay a bill via B-Pay it's white knuckle time.


Today I bought this Digitor corded phone for $19.95



It doesn't need recharging, it doesn't use electricity to maintain all the time, and....

The "3" button works.

I can now pay my bills in peace.

While I was sitting on the train this morning, I saw an elderly Chinese woman jogging slowly backwards down the path alongside the railway line.

It confused the hell out of me. It made me wonder if the train was going forwards or backwards. Then I thought maybe this is one of those moments in The Matrix where you see the glitch in the program - like when Neo sees the cat walk by twice.

Was I really here? I started to wonder. I wondered if this was the part where Morpheus turns up and gives me the red pill.

I glanced back at the woman jogging slowly backwards in the distance.

I decided it was probably some form of Qigong that I'm not familiar with. Maybe someone should tell her not to do it so close to a train moving in the opposite direction, for fear of sparking existential questioning / brain melting.

I spotted a copy of MX Magazine on the seat in front of me. It got me thinking.

I remember a time when it was frowned upon to read the Herald Sun, the inferior sports-heavy tabloid to The Age's comprehensive broadsheet. The only acceptable excuse for buying it being that "The Age" was sold out at the newsstand.

Now people read it like it's "The News".

Andrew Bolt?

The man is a FOX News version of "Fair and Balanced".

So, now with people like Bolt slowly acclimatising Australia to the view that the ABC, The Age, Big Ted, Bananas in Pyjamas and maybe even The Wiggles favour left-wing political views, we are all in deep crap.



Again I return to the MX Magazine sitting in front of me. It seems compulsory to read it. It's free and provided in abundance at train stations. Everyone else is reading it. Everybody.

Join us!!!!!!!!! (sinister hissing)

I can't.
I can't do it.

MX Magazine is a dumbed down, Readers' Digest Condensed Book version of the already dumbed down Herald Sun. What's next? We are handed a paper at the station and instead of the headline reading:

"Victorian Bushfire Season Reaches New Heights"

we read

"UG. BIG FIRE."

There is an alternative. Join your local (lefty, pinko, greenie) library, while we still have them - borrow some books and read them on the train. You can expand your mind instead of losing much needed brain cells on the rules of barbeque ettiquette.