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Monday, August 20, 2007

This morning I encountered the first sign of blossoms beginning to peer out from the frostiest winter I can remember. In fact, winter can f___ off. Now is the time to count down the days until spring arrives to thaw us all out.

On my journey this morning I thought I had discovered some mystical crop circles in a field. It turned out to be the work of an ordinary hoon doing creative burnouts on grass.

For some reason this brings me to the whole "Kevin Rudd was caught going into a strip club" furore.

1. Who cares?
2. Who cares?
3. Refer to points 1. and 2.

I mean really, are we that repressed that we can't accept politicians being human? I myself have been too drunk to remember being dragged into a strip club by nefarious friends. And I'm a girl. What amazes me is that people are discussing it on radio, on TV, the newspapers scream "Kevin and the Strippers" etc. etc. ad nauseum.

Does nobody remember Malcolm Fraser with his trousers off?

What amuses me is that Alexander Downer may be behind the convenient leak.

What's even more amusing is that if Alexander Downer were with the party at the strip club, he would be more likely to be dancing in a g-string on the podium.

And what's with the wowser mentality in Australia? I'm not saying everyone should go out and get pissed every night but being very drunk on a few occasions in one's life is hardly cause for concern. If parliamentarians were drinking raucously every night and Kevin Rudd turned up drunk to parliament question time, that would be another thing.

And for goodness sake, have we forgotten already? In 1955 Bob Hawke held the beer drinking record 2.5 pints of beer in 11 seconds. Don't try this at home kids.














Can we get back to the real news now?

Monday, August 13, 2007

I've just come up with a concept (I think!)
"Stupid Monday"

It works like this...you write something stupid and...well that's about it.

Think it will catch on?

Anyway, here's my contribution -

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick!


Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

I think I need to lie down.


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Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Grrrrrrr.
A few days ago I bid for some more clothing stuff on Ebay. Unfortunately I didn't realise until too late that neither of the items I was bidding on had PayPal as a payment option. Argh! I usually use PayPal because it saves fiddling about with printing out details, going to the Bank of Abu Dhabi (of which there is only one branch 50 km from Melbourne) and so forth.

But what could I do? I had committed to buy. I had forged the sacred bond with the Ebay gods that must never be broken.

So there was nothing for it. I had waited a little longer than usual to pay and each day it seemed more and more impossible to get to the bank. So yesterday was the day. If I didn't pay by 5pm I would be forever branded an Ebay witch and burnt at the Ebay stake.

Unfortunately, this was the day where not only did I have to go to the bank, I didn't have any transport. Not even a lift. So I walked uphill in what seemed like a furious squall. I walked for 20 minutes. So what? You may ask. I walk twenty minutes all the time. However I had to walk UPHILL for 20 minutes, after walking 20 minutes downhill to get there in the first place. Not to mention the 20 minutes I would be walking yet again as soon as I had deposited the Ebay money into the bank.

And you know what my thought was? Over and over again? With every step I took up that f-ing hill?

I should have bid on a PayPal auction. I could have paid with PayPal. All that walking saved. Wind in your ears. Panic in your throat. I could have been sitting back having a cup of tea and a banana. But no. (trudge, trudge) F*ing should have bid on a PayPal auction.

But now I have learned a valuable lesson. The hard way. I'm sure there was an easier way. A friendly email, perhaps? Stumbling onto a blog that speaks of this very thing (chortle, chortle!)
Not walking for 60 whole minutes while it's blowing a gale outside!!!!!!!

(deep breath in)
(deep breath out)
I am calm and relaxed
I am calm and relaxed

*Sigh!*

I feel better now.

:-) xox


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Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Whoopee! I have had some success on Ebay with furnishing my new wardrobe. I'm starting from the ground up. That is, feet.

Here is my first foray into er...fashion (for want of a better word). These are kind of a suede-like material Diana Ferrari runners. Or sneakers as some call them. Or stealthy sneaking espionage covert-operation foot apparatus. I'm using them for running so I'm calling them runners. Or walkers. Argh.

They were $10.50 with $9 postage & handling. Not bad. Not bad at all.
















Next up is legs, I have this thing for corduroy. It's warm, comfy and well, I don't know - I just like the material. And brown. For some reason I thought these three would go together perfectly. Red, brown and dark grey with a bit of red on it. I'm no Karl Lagerfeld - for one I don't have enough sunglasses. But I think I got it right here.

These Rip Curl corduroy jeans were $15.15 with $6.00 postage & handling.
















Next we move to the torso. I love this T-shirt. I do not love this T-shirt because Jessica Simpson wore it once. In fact I couldn't give a rat's rear end. I love this T-shirt because it's very me. It came all the way from South Korea - customs stamp and everything.

I bought it for $17.50 plus $6.00 postage which is pretty good considering how far it had to travel.
















My next purchase will probably be a hat, considering I am doing this from the ground up. So we need to take care of the head, or noggin as it is sometimes called. With a hat. Either that or a tiara. But I think a hat would be more suitable for the cold weather. It will probably be something like this - I like the style termed "newsboy" or "cadet".












Thursday, July 26, 2007

I can't imagine why someone would get rid of this.

















And now, for the man who has everything (except perhaps class)





















Speaking of class...









This is so tacky I don't even know where to start. A tongue piercing. In the shape of... AND it glows in the dark!



Something now for the stressed executive...












This doll is able to be repeatedly mutilated to provide stress relief for the executive. Just don't beat the sh!t out of the doll when someone could walk in because you are likely to get sent on permanent leave. A grown man. Killing a doll. Freud would have a field day. Can you spell serial killer?



And my favourite one goes in the "if you're stupid enough to buy it, I'll sell it to you" category:









The description is brilliant. Here's a direct quote:

"...Like conjoined twins this Pizza Shape has no lines in between so at birth in the cutter and ovens they remain truly brother and sister. After eating Savoury Shapes for a lifetime I have never seen such a rare beast as this one..."

All this time I have been sitting on a fortune. Every time I've munched on 'conjoined' barbeque shapes I could have been stockpiling them and making a fortune! Ah...the agony of hindsight.


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