After a long battle with the automated system the mechanical voice finally puts me through to a human.

The line is long-distance and crackling. Possibly Delhi, I couldn't tell.

"Hello, Telstra how can I help you?"

"Hi, yes, I went to a Telstra shop last week and paid for an unlocking code. The guy couldn't unlock it so he put me on to this line and the lady said she would request a unique code for me and call me back within 3-4 working days."

"Yees?"

"Well, it's more than 3-4 working days and I haven't got a call."

Silence.

"So I'm calling up to get my code."

"I will have to put in a request."

"No, no, you don't understand. I spoke to someone already - they put in the request for the unique code."

The sounds of her typing in the background go ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka

"On the 21st of April?"

"Yes, that's right. And I've paid for it already, all I'm waiting for is my code."

"Yes, I can see it. It's coming up as 0000 0000."

"Yes, that's the code that the guy at the Telstra shop used. It didn't work. I'm waiting for the unique one."

"That's it, all I've got here. Would you like me to put in a request?"

"What happened to the original request? The one the lady already did for me?"

"It's not showing up. Would you like me to put in a request?"

"There's already been a request. Can you get her on the phone for me? Maybe she's got my code already"

"I can't tell you who it was."

"Can you find out? It would be best for me to speak to her since she was the person I was dealing with on the phone at the Telstra shop"

"Do you have her employee number?"

"Why would I have that? No. Strangely she didn't give it to me."

"Then we can't do anything."

"Let me get this straight. I paid for my phone to be unlocked. The guy at the Telstra shop doesn't unlock it, then he puts me on the phone to a lady who apparently doesn't exist. This lady says 'I'll put in a request for you' and now you can't find her."

"I can put in a request, it will take 3-4 working days."

"I want to speak to your manager."

"I can't do that."

"Yes you can. Just put me on hold and get your manager. I want to find out what's going on here."

"It's not possible..."

"Could you please just put them on?"

~HOLD MUSIC~
~10 LONG MINUTES PASS~

The long distance crackle is gone. The phone line is much clearer.

"Hello, I'm the manager how can I help you?"

*Exploding*
"Yes. Where do I start. I-went-to-a-Telstra-shop. The guy couldn't unlock it. He put me on to the phone service. The lady on the phone said she would put in a request for an unlock code and it's been over 3-4 working days and I still haven't got a call from her."

"Mmm"

ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka

"There's no records here I'm afraid. Nothing about a request being put through."

"Excuse me but the lady I just spoke to, not two minutes ago she knows it happened. On the 21st of April, she even knew the date."

"All we've got is a record of you paying for it. No request was put through. Do you want me to put one in now for you?"

"No, I don't want to wait another week when I should have had this code a couple of days ago. I'd like to find out what happened to the original one from last week. Can't you look it up? There must be something there."

"Do you have her employee number?"

"What? No. No I don't. Why would I?"

"There's no record of a request."

"But there was! She told me she'd do it. 'Put in a request', that's what she said."

"Ah, you're talking about a *insert weasel word here* request. As opposed to a *insert other weasel word here* request."

"Look, I don't care about the internal machinations of your department. I just care about my unlock code. Why is it that you can't you find it? How is this possible?"

Silence.

Silence.

Realisation slowly dawns as my shoulders sink.

"...Because the lady on the phone at the Telstra shop never did anything, did she? She just told me she'd put in a request, then hung up the phone after speaking to me and did absolutely nothing."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"...Left me waiting for days.."

"That's what it looks like."

"And now I have to go through all of it again."

"I'll put in the request."

ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka

(groan) "If you do find her, perhaps you could have a talk to her."

"Oh yes, there'll be some enquiries."

"Like these ones? That's great."

"Is there anything else we can help you with today?"

(restrained) "No. No there isn't. Thank you."

technorati tags: telstra shop phone mobile sim unlock

I played my fourth game of golf this year over the weekend. I would like to say it was easy, that I hit every shot like Tiger Woods and chipped around the greens like Seve Ballesteros. It was one of those days when I almost felt like golf was conspiring against me to make me quit. There were a number of factors contributing to my experience:

1. Public Holidays = Golf

It was a public holiday. My partner and I assumed everyone would be at the Dawn Service, then the ANZAC Day marches and barbeques and two-up.

WRONG!!

Everyone and their dog was playing golf. Not literally, because dogs aren't allowed on the course.


2. Slow Play


















The people in front of us were S-L-O-W. Unfortunately, the people in front of them were even slower. Which made for quite an interesting bottleneck.

I don't know about you but when the people in front are slow it really irritates me. If they are genuinely trying to hit the ball I don't mind so much but these particular individuals chatted, paused, changed clubs, walked back to their bags, paused and generally fluffed around. GRRRRR!!


3. Bad Etiquette


































The people behind us (a group of 4) hit up on us constantly. My partner and I are fast players, always keeping up with the group in front. Walking after my first shot, I looked up to see a ball whizzing less than a metre from me. I turned back to look at the offenders. My reward was to get another ball whizzing even closer. "Fore" would have been nice.

Later, on the next tee one of the guys yelled out. "Sorry about that before." and I said "no worries."

I was, however thinking if you were actually sorry you would have yelled 'fore' so I didn't get hit.

They continued to pummel people with balls and crowd around the tee while other groups were playing. When I went to tee off the bastards were talking and laughing in my backswing. I was 10 etiquette rules away from swinging the other way and hitting the ball into the centre of their ill-mannered gaggle.


4. Stress

When I get faced with these situations I get uptight and find it hard to relax properly. I think I handled it pretty well but it was only on the 8th tee I realised how beautiful the course is and how I haven't been noticing it at all.


5. Reality Check

It was only when I got to the nineteenth hole that I realised I had got my first bogey. Ever. I remember it happening at the time, congrats from my partner, but we had to hurry off the green and whiz along to the next one.

I also realised that I had hit my longest ever drive on the third hole, leaving just a short chip to the green.

And then I realised the 8th tee had been the staging point for my most spectacular 5-iron shot ever. And my longest.

It's amazing how golf can creep up on you like that. You think you played a certain way (I thought I had played terribly) but the further away you get from the round, the more you realise how well you actually did. I went away thinking I had lost the plot and my partner thought I had played the best game of my life. I just couldn't see it at the time. Which is funny because he thought he had played terribly as well but got a score similar to his average round.

This is an important lesson. Don't ever walk off the course in disgust (I saw two people do this during our round). Don't throw clubs or deliberately mess up because you don't care anymore. Just play the hole and go on to the next one. It is very difficult to judge your own performance while you are in the midst of a round. Trust you are doing okay and just keep going. Luckily, that's what we did on this day and that's why I have my first bogey on my scorecard. :-)


BOGEY: One over par for the hole. The word orginates from a mythical golfer, Colonel Bogey, who was said to play every hole in the standard stroke score.

It was originally used to describe the target score which a good amateur should achieve, in the same way "par" became associated with professionals.

The two terms were interchangeable at one stage, until "par" became the standard term.

- source BBC Sport

technorati tags: golf etiquette colonel bogey

I must begin by detailing this wonderful purchase on Ebay. A Samsung SGH-C300.























$16 for a phone that cost $100 new. Not bad at all. I have only been watching items for what seems like 2 years but I finally got one. Now, the phone was locked to Telstra so I decided that the price of unlocking (around$30) added to the price of the phone did not make the cost prohibitive.

So, it was simple. I go to the Telstra shop at a local shopping centre. The wait was excruciating and for anyone who has dealt with Telstra over the phone, you will know what I am talking about. So I waited, and waited.

Suddenly a strange man appeared. He was gnarled with yellow teeth and a strange hangnail growth of some sort. I am not joking. He looked quite a bit like this guy:

















Although similar in looks to Lo-Pan from "Big Trouble In Little China" the similarity ended here. He was not all-seeing, powerful, flame throwing or supernaturally gifted in any way.

In fact, he couldn't even unlock my phone.

"Can I help you?"
He seemed to appear from nowhere and was suddenly standing to my left.

"Oh, yes. I want to get this phone unlocked. It's locked to Telstra and I have another type of SIM card." I showed him the phone.

"How long have you had it?"

"Uh, just got it."

"FIFTY DOLLARS."

"Excuse me? I thought it was around thirty dollars."

"FIFTY DOLLARS." The room seemed to shake with the force of his words.

"But...this isn't a new phone. It's quite old. Look." I showed him the phone again, scratches all over the face of the screen indicated a very used phone.

"It might be new."

"How?" I was growing tired of him.

"I can't tell if it's new. You can't tell if a phone is new by looking at it."

"Well I can." I'd had it now. What did he think I had, a custom scratching machine for scratching new phones so I could save twenty bucks?

"Hmmmm." He looked at me suspiciously.

My cortisol levels were rising and he seemed to be enjoying it. What he didn't seem to realise was that I was two seconds and bad judgement away from grabbing his neck and throttling him over the desk.

"This phone ok? If not, I unlock it and it doesn't work, you just wasted your money." He cackled at me.

He spent what seemed like hours trying to find the serial number. He absent-mindedly removed the battery and laid his elbow over it.

"Uh, shouldn't you be turning the phone off before pulling the battery out?"

"You have sim card?"

I handed it to him.

He then proceeded to dangle his sleeve and buttons over my sim card and went back to resting his elbow on my battery.

He spent another five minutes looking up a code. I was mortified to find out it was the same code I had seen on the internet this morning. For free. But no, I wanted to be a responsible citizen and do everything properly.

F*&#K!!!!!!!!!!

So, he finally punches in the code he spent five to ten minutes finding in an official Telstra mobile phone shop. This is the same code I spent two point five seconds finding on the internet.

Oh god, I just want to get out of here.

Then he spent another five minutes (that seemed like twenty) scratching his head and tapping the keyboard with the rather disturbing long nail of his. He still wouldn't look at me.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Come over here." He bundled me over to a desk with a computer screen and a phone. He called a number and while he was calling said I'd have to talk to them.

"Can't someone here do it? I mean, unlock my phone. That's what you do isn't it?"

He mumbled something about the code not working and handed me the phone, leaving me in the middle of a noisy shop with an electronic voice for company.

"If you are ready to continue say, 'continue'".

"continue."

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Would you mind repeating it?"

Why do computer simulated voices try to sound human? They're not fooling anybody! Even if it said to me "nahwarries mate got a bloody good code ere for ya ang on I'm just gunna get a beer" I still wouldn't believe it.

So I repeat 'continue' and it stops dead. Nothing.

"Hello? Um, 'continue'. Uh, 'repeat'"

Still nothing.

"Shit."

"Hello!"

I called out to the Lo-Pan guy who was off 'helping another customer', his feet on a desk.

"HELLO!"

By now, most of the people in the shop were looking at me. One of Lo-Pan's coworkers got his attention and motioned to me.

"It stopped working." I told him.

He pressed a couple of buttons and now I was back to an earlier menu.

"Here is the code. After you enter the code, wait for further instructions."

I tried it. I was not really astounded to find out it didn't work.

"Did this code work? Say yes or no."

"NO!!!" I yelled into the mouthpiece, causing more people to look in my direction. By now had I access to cigarettes I would have lit one up in the shop, smoking laws be damned.

"Please hold while we put you through to an operator."

Oh now I get to talk to a person. Lucky lucky me.

"Hoiy, what soims to be the problem?" This are not typos, this is her diction.

I took a deep breath.

"I came to this Telstra shop to get my phone unlocked and now the guy hasn't unlocked it and put me on this phone and the code didn't work."

"Orh, right. What's your oymeee?"

"My what?"

"Your OYMEEE!"

"I heard you, I just don't understand what you're talking about."

"When you open your phone there's an oymeee."

I opened the phone, searching around. "Is it some kind of number?"

"Yeah, an oymeee."

Oh for f@%$@k's sake. I spotted something. "Hang on. You mean this? An I-M-E-I number!"

I felt like I had cracked the DaVinci code.

"Yeah, oymeee." she sighed like I was an idiot.

I read it out.

"Okay, hold on...(silence)... I can't get you the code for three to four working days. Can I get your number and someone will call you back."

"Can't you find out now? I'm in the Telstra shop. I have already paid and the guy hasn't done anything. I don't want to leave a shop after paying for something I haven't received. Do you understand this logic?"

"Yeah..."

"So if I leave now and I get a call in a few days and then THAT code doesn't work, what happens then?"

"Um, you get a refund."

"I get a refund"

"Yeah..." she said tentatively.

I gave her the number, left the store and went to buy hardware supplies, possibly for later use when I return to the Telstra shop.

technorati tags: telstra phone mobile sim unlock

For a lot of people prepaid phone cards can be a lifeline while travelling. Therichcom.com is a prepaid phone finder site. It will compare deals and look up various phone cards using a search by country function. In design, it seems a little tightly packed but when you get the hang of the format, it is so full of great deals and simple to use. It is so much cheaper and easier to use phone cards than to use the conventional international phone methods. Sometimes you can save hundreds or possibly even thousands, depending on how long you are away and how much you like to talk on the phone! You can find cards for each destination, from France to Indonesia, Egypt to Venezuela. While researching your own prepaid phone cards, make sure you work out where it is you want to call - a lot of the cards are very specific and you need to get the right country, not just continent. You also need to work out where you will be calling from. For example, you may be in Texas, wanting to call relatives in Venezuela. You must have a card that calls Venezuela from the US, or specifically, Texas. Once you get this right, the rest will seem much easier. Some have connection fees, some don't. Make sure you find these details out and compare to find the best deal for your specific needs. You could be saving money straight away. You could find yourself with more spending money on your holiday, or you could find your phone bill at home a lot more manageable. Either way, it's a great way to save money.

A big congratulations to Trevor Immelman of South Africa on his win at the US Masters at Augusta, 2008.














A big thank you to HDTV broadcasting the event - the coverage was excellent and the picture, as usual, was perfect. Now all I need is a TiVo/HD recorder so I don't need to get up every morning at 4 or 5am to watch it!

Immelman is the second South African to win the Masters. The last South African to win the Masters was the legendary Gary Player in 1978.

















Player was a great inspiration to Immelman and was said to have left a message on Immelman's voice mail during the tournament saying "I know you're going to win." He was right.

Gary Player compared Trevor Immelman's swing to that of the great Ben Hogan.


And yes, I was going for Tiger.

technorati tags: golf trevor immelman augusta masters

This is the silliest Paypal spam I have ever received.

Nous avons rcemment dtermin que diffrents ordinateurs connect sur votre compte Paypal, Mot de passe et de multiples checs taient prsents avant la connexion. Nous avons maintenant besoin de vous confirmer nouveau Les informations de votre compte PayPal. Si ce n'est pas achev d'ici le 17 mars 2008, nous serons contraints de suspendre votre compte indefiniment, Car il peut avoir utilis d'une fins frauduleuses. Nous vous remercions de votre comprhention dans cette manire. Pour confirmer votre banque en ligne des dossiers, cliquez sur le lien suivant:


>>> Cliquez ici <<<
Merci pour votre patience. Paypal service la clientelle. S'il vous plait ne rpondez pas cet e-mail car c'est seulement une notification. Mail envoyer cette adresse ne peut pas tre rpondu. 1999-2008 PayPal. Tous droits rserves.


Firstly, why do they think I can understand French? I listened to two of the French Pod Classes and I can talk in a rudimentary way about the weather and what day it is. However no matter how little French I have actually learned, ain't no way I'm "Cliquezing icire" (sic).


A rough translation comes out like this:

We have dtermin rcemment that diffrents computers connect on your Paypal account, Password and multiples checs taient prsents before connection. We now need assure you new information of your PayPal account. If it is not achev from here March 17, 2008, we will be constrained to suspend your account indefiniment, Because it can have utilis of fraudulent ends. We thank you for your comprhention in this manire. To confirm your bank on line of the files, click on the following bond: Click here

It seems that French spammers spell just as badly as the English ones.

Also, I received this on the 9th of April 2008. Why give me a deadline of March 17? I mean, I'm not trying to help them here, I just thought a bit more work went into these messages.

Perhaps they need to work on their comprhention.

technorati tags: paypal spam email france

The Sedona method is a tool that shows people how to master the law of attraction, as discussed in "The Secret", while letting go of ego in the process. The Sedona Method is said to be a bridge of sorts, where A New Earth meets The Secret. The Sedona method brings a practical application to the work of Eckhart Tolle in his work on "A New Earth: Awakening To Your Life's Purpose". The section on bridging the gap between A New Earth and The Secret explains how the Sedona Method works to practically and immediately let go of what is termed "ego" or "the pain body", which causes suffering to individuals and the others surrounding them. The section on "A New Earth of Presence Awareness" discusses how the Sedona Method takes you through the four basic ways of letting go and the fifth way of releasing. You can also find a section on "The Secret Behind the Secret". Many people are aware of the "Law of Attraction", however this section touches on the lesser known "Law of Surrender" and "The Law of Letting Go". The Sedona Method is holding retreats which have been running for some years. You can listen to excerpts of the 2005, 2006 and 2007 retreats on the site. The site is also giving away a free CD and DVD and a bonus mp3 download, which can be found on the free signup page.

Consider these tips for saving money:

* Make your own lunch - lunches can cost upwards from $8 to $20 (or if you go to one of the swankier restaurants in the city, $35-$50). Bringing your own lunch in a container ensures you have nutritional food every day - especially if your partner is a good cook!! :-)

* Make huge meals and freeze them. I have mentioned this in my posts on Baccarat cookware. The 8L dutch oven can make enough food for a week, sometimes more. It works particularly well on the nights you can't be bothered cooking!!

* Replace every single light in your house with compact fluorescent light bulbs. It will be a bit more expensive at the beginning, but you will thank yourself when your new, smaller energy bills come in.















* Direct your efforts to paying off your credit card or credit cards. Once these are paid off, lower your limit so you don't get in trouble again. If the bank offers you a higher credit limit, say "NO".

* Say "NO" to 24 months easy finance on home goods, store cards, special rewards credit cards, extra personal loans and refinancing mortgages. If you don't have the right advice, refinancing can be devastating. Stop taking out loans. If you are unable to do this, you may have a problem. Seek advice, legal and personal. A compulsion to take out loans can be as damaging as a gambling problem.

* Try to save a small amount each week or month. Try not to touch it and see what happens. You can find a number of good accounts with the main banks - see if you can find a savings account with interest around the 7% mark.

* If you already own your own home, consider installing solar panels. You may be eligible for the solar panel rebate, as discussed on SolarGen's website. The outlay can be expensive but the rebate, plus the decades of free solar power will take the sting out of this purchase.

* Have a cooling off period of 1 day for each purchase you are considering. It will give you time to prioritise and decide whether you absolutely positively need this purchase right now. This is advice I personally follow. If not, I would have so much questionably useful stuff from Ebay and no time to use it.

Until next time, happy shopping and saving!!

technorati tags: shopping saving money

I have become aware of a number of TV programs like "A Current Affair" that are uncovering the discrepancies in grocery prices across Australia. Strangely enough (for those of us naive enough to think all animals are equal*) many of the wealthier suburbs enjoy a better range and cheaper prices for groceries. So if it isn't bad enough for these people to live in a crap part of town, the chain grocery stores further insult them by displaying mouldy tomatoes and charging $7 a kilo.


Tips for saving on groceries:

1. Buy in bulk. If you are constantly buying 50g containers of coffee, why not invest in a 500g or 1kg tin? I tried this once (before I gave up coffee!!) and the tin lasted about six months. When you think of how many 50g tins you would have to buy in that timeframe, you realise the saving.










2. Junk mail is a scourge that should be wiped out however a Coles or Safeway advertising mag can save quite a bit of money if you plan ahead. You can find the specials and buy accordingly when convenient.


3. Shop at local markets and grocers. Not only will you often save money and find better quality, you will also be supporting local businesses. Local grocers often have a better organic range of vegetables for half the price you would pay in the supermarkets.

(click to enlarge)



















After all, where else would you get to buy "wedding sausage"? ....*holds in double entendre compulsion* ... too many jokes....


4. Try shopping on your way home, or near your work. As mentioned earlier, sometimes the prices can vary greatly between suburbs. You may be able to make significant savings on various items.


6. Lay off on buying meat. I do not say this because I am a militant vegetarian (I'm not!!) This weekend I watched a Victorian news story featuring the large chain stores and how traces of metal have recently been found in various meats. Unless you think you don't have enough iron in your diet, steer clear for a while.

technorati tags: grocery shopping save money

*"Animal Farm" - George Orwell

The following scenario took place yesterday in the park, early in the evening. My Partner was practicing golf, I had finished my walk and we were seated at a picnic table. Soon we were joined by The Dad and The Daughter.

The Dad: Hi guys, what's happening?

My Partner: Just practising some golf..

Me: Making the most of daylight saving...

The Daughter runs out and circles our picnic table, stopping in front of me.

The Daughter: I'm NINETYSIX!!

Me: Wow, you don't have any wrinkles or anything. Are you sure you're not six?

The Daughter: He doesn't have any wrinkles (runs to The Dad and points)

Me (to My Partner): That's so cute.

The Dad: Hey is The Simpsons actually drawn or is it that computer animation thing?

The Daughter: Homer has three hairs!

Me: I think they have animation cells so they probably draw it. They've got that exhibition...

The Daughter (grabbing The Dad's shirtsleeve): HE's got no hair like Homer Simpson!

(Awkward pause)

The Dad: So did you see that movie "American Beauty" last night?

My Partner: We watched a bit of it.

The Dad: Me too. But I fell asleep just as Kevin Spacey is getting shot in the head...

Me: How can you fall asleep in that part?

The Daughter: But he's HAIRY!! Here, here, here and here (pointing to various body parts)

My Partner: We saw Ratatouille as well.

The Dad: Haven't seen that one.

Me: It made me want to cook something, probably Ratatouille.

The Dad: What's it about?

Me: It's about a rat who wants to be a chef.

My Partner: It's really good.

The Daughter: ...AND HE'S GOT MAN BOOBS!!!

(Stunned silence)

The Dad (ignoring The Daughter): I think I'll rent the DVD out.

The Daughter: BIG HAIRY MAN BOOBS!!!

My Partner: Why don't you try a couple of shots (hands The Dad a golf club)

The Daughter: My mum hasn't got man boobs, she ran out of milk so she can't breastfeed my brother!

(Oh My God)

The Dad: (Loudly) Here, let me have a go.

The Dad hits a couple of shots.

My Partner: Mate, you don't have man boobs...

Me: (stifling giggles)

The Daughter: Little kids get man boobs too.
...but not as big as DAD'S BIG MAN BOOBS!!

The Dad: Hang on a second, we've got to stop this. Where did you hear about man boobs?

The Daughter: (pointing) From you!

The Dad: Really?

The Daughter: (proudly) Yep.

The Dad: Aha.

technorati tags: general

I saw one of those travel documentaries on the weekend. It was one of those "foods of the world" specials. I love to cook (and eat!) so I thought this would be good.

How wrong one can be.

As you know, I am a vegetarian. It is not something I would want to shove down anybody's throat (if you pardon the pun!) but I will tell you one thing.

I would rather be force fed a baked potato (in small pieces of course!) than be forced to drink bat's blood or some of the other "things" they showcased on the show. These things masqueraded as food for a while. Up until the time when one of the presenters had to take a bite.

The most distasteful bit (apart from the food itself) was the insincerity of a particular US based backpacker presenting the show. When eating the food, she will almost always say "Mmmmm. This is soooooo gooood. Mmmmm."

While her face says "Anybody got some Listerine? Like a whole bottle? Germs I tells you. Germs!!!!" I'm sure when the camera is off she spits it out and runs for the nearest bathroom.

I can't even call these things food. I'll just list them. And if my stomach permits (it won't!), I will add photos.



** Bat's blood and bat soup.
The presenter spat the bat's blood out. I wonder why.
Is it just me or is drinking the blood of a vampire kind of symbolic? I tried to find out some more info on this dish but all I could find were Halloween recipes.

Yes, Ozzy Ozbourne was reported to have bitten or eaten a bat onstage. He had an excuse. He was on drugs.




















**Hedgehog. That's right. I can't remember which country. It was either the US or Canada. They went out. They "hunted" a hedgehog, ripped off all the spines, then cooked it. Amazingly, it tasted like sh!t.

This is probably why not many people eat hedgehogs. I don't know about you but when I look at that cute little fella in the picture, I don't automatically think "dinner".



**In Scandinavia, a traditional meal was served - a sheep's head on a plate. Yum yum. You have to eat the eyes, tongue and everything. Remind me not to travel to these places because I'm going to offend a lot of these people.

"You must have the eyeball. You are our honoured guest. We will be offended if you do not eat the eyeball."
"Thanks but no thanks. Got any lentil soup? No? I'll be off then. Nice meeting you."
"You must at least take the eyeball."
"Get f@cked you bunch of weirdos! I'm not going to eat your f@cking Hannibal Lecter food!!"
There endeth my exploits at diplomacy.



**Sheeps' uterus, and "Cock and balls". Pretty self explanatory. The presenter insisted they both tasted like calamari. I don't care if they taste like cheesecake with chocolate shavings, I've got a visual of where they came from. And what's been through them...



**Seal faeces and blubber.
I'm not joking but I hope somebody was. The guy actually tried it. I would have told that travel documentary company to shove it and started walking. These people sat on the kitchen floor in a kind of circle and passed around this concoction.
I mean what is the tradition here?

Did ancient people sit around and say "we've eaten all parts of the seal, now we must try the sh!t"



You know what I think? I think the peoples of the world got extremely bored and started daring each other to eat inedible things. Perhaps they kept doing it for so long that they started to take these hideous dishes a bit too seriously. After a while they couldn't remember exactly why they started eating this crap in the first place and then it became "tradition". Once it is tradition it is hard to break. Even if the tradition is sticking porcupine needles in your behind while dancing on a first-born donkey while gargling bat's blood and seal sh!t.

technorati tags: travel TV bad food

I can't think of anything to write and it's driving me mad. Does anybody else go through this while writing their blog? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGRGHGHHHHGHGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
THBLELBLBLBLBLBLB!!!

F@ckity! F@ck! F@ck! F@ck!


LABALALALALALALALALALAALLA

WOK TOSSED SALAD

FROG'S NEST ENTRAILS WITH LARK'S VOMIT

GOAT BAGGING MUSHROOM

WAKAKAKAKAKAKA

FRAG

SPLAT

technorati tags: blogging

I haven't been able to get near my computer for a while now, everything has been down. Some nasty little thing calling itself "Virtumonde" decided to worm (pardon the pun!) itself into the registry.

What is your worst nightmare when dealing with spyware and viruses? I'll tell you what mine is, for the damn thing to keep reappearing after a virus and spyware scan. Which, incidentally is exactly what happened.

The trouble with spyware scans is that they take so damn long. But a lot of the time they take so long because you have been infected with spyware. So scanning can take most of the day. Then you "fix" all the problems, restart, and the problems reappear like magic. Black magic.

After installing CA internet protection, I got rid of Spybot S&D and Ad-Aware. I'm not too fussed about Ad-Aware because the only version available now is the 2007 version which is resource hungry and my GOD does-it-slow-things-down. CA Internet protection also slows things down to almost a standstill. They have a fantastic anti-virus (VET) - I seriously think this is one of the best. Their spyware protection is pretty good, it seems to pick up some things that Symantec anti-spyware misses. The firewall, anti-spam and internet surf protect are bloat factor - I uninstalled them.

But...you can't do without Spybot S&D in my opinion. It's free and you can download it from Safer Networking. This is the only program I have found that consistently picks up what the other spyware scans miss out. P.S. Never download an anti-spyware problem from a flashing ad or sponsored link. Always check PC world ratings and various other feedback about the program before downloading.

I have been combing over the registry and using various programs like Vundofix. This program is supposed to fix what the other programs can't. For some reason it didn't work for me but I have read many blogs and forum posts about how Vundofix had worked for them.

Beware if you open IE or Opera or Firefox and your usual pages have unusual ads on them. Be especially wary if an ad disappears, then reappears as a flashing box saying "You have won!!!" or "You are the 999,999th visitor! Click here!". Sometimes they try to look like windows error messages, sometimes naked people holding telephones appear. Which is quite frightening when you were just trying to do a search on Ebay.

After combing through the registry (and a little help from my Obi Wan nerd!) it seems the problem has finally gone. Spybot S&D is a permanent fixture now and in conjunction with CA spyware protection, it should be ok.

Phew!!!

technorati tags: spyware adware malware virus virtumonde

There's a lot of talk about Mortgages these days - the Sub-Prime crisis has affected many countries, interest rates and inflation all contribute to anxiety when choosing a mortgage. It makes it even more important to get a good deal that will put you in the best position to ride out the ups and downs of the global markets and trends. Make sure you visit mortgage comparison sites on the internet, compare bank rates and see how much you can save. You might be surprised. The Reserve Bank has speculated about raising interest rates again so make sure you take these factors into account when choosing a home loan that suits you.

It's that time of year again. After dealing with a bout of 'flu (which I am still trying to shake!!) I have weeded out clothes that I have never and will never wear (more Ebay misadventures!!) like this one:



















Amazingly when you get rid of something, it seems to make room for another, more appropriate something. Like this pair of black cords I found for $13 on Ebay. The postage came to $8 for a total of $21. Which I still consider a success, although a tad more expensive than my other purchases.














Strangely, I have also taken to cleaning every spare chance I get. It must be the weather. Or the change of seasons.

The trouble with Melbourne weather is that you can't tell which season it is. I saw a poor confused tree turn all its leaves brown while we were still in summer. Winter made an appearance during the time we expect 35 degrees and up and now that it's Autumn (fall for US readers!!), almost the entire week will be above 30 degrees Celsius. WTF?? Not that I blame global warming or El Nino or La Nina ENTIRELY... Melbourne is famous for ridiculously inappropriate weather.

I remember this lady coming up to me at the station on the way to play a game of golf. She said "I don't understand. It crazy." I could tell she was talking about the weather, having recently moved from China. "I take my kids to beach. It sunny. Then storm, grey sky, my kids run in from water all freezing" she hugged herself to demonstrate. "I wear shorts, I need raincoat. I need hat, then I need umbrella. CRAZY!!" She shook her head and walked away, gesturing wildly.

As I watched her disappear down to the end of the platform I quietly smiled to myself and thought "welcome to Melbourne."

technorati tags: Melbourne weather ebay clothing shop

Insurance is there to work for you so you shouldn't just go with the first quote you can find. The beauty of the internet is that you can get instant online quotes to compare and contrast to get the best deal possible. No matter whether you are looking for home insurance, Courier Insurance , insurance for your van, truck or car, you can get instant online quotes in minutes.


Autonet Insurance Group (see screenshot) provides quick information about insurance plus special deals including a saving of up to 70% off for van insurance. Clearly, it pays to shop around for the best deal. If you do your research effectively you could end up saving a whole lot more on your insurance policy. For example, if you get a quote for Autonet and you can find a cheaper insurance policy with the same level of cover, Autonet will give you a refund. The quote process seems to be pretty straightforward, with a seven step process (that is, seven screens) to filling out the quote request. Or you can call to speak to a real person if that is your preference. My favourite part of the site was the funny insurance claims section. This includes actual insurance claims. Here is an example of their contents:
"The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo."*
*source: Autonet insurance website.

PHOTO: NASA

Thanks to my anonymous blogging friend/tipster for this one:

Talk about thinking big. Some joker astute entrepreneur has decided to sell a galaxy on Ebay. The seller is from Canada.

I wasn't aware that Galaxy M81 belonged to Canada or indeed any earth region.

I must say, though, the seller has started the bids pretty low at $1.00

What perplexes me is that delivery is $14.00 worldwide.

What about galaxy-wide? Or trans-galaxy delivery. Surely that would cost more than the collective wealth of Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey and Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah put together. No, I hadn't heard of him either but apparently he's the Sultan and ruler of Brunei (plus he's the Prime Minister, Defence Minister, Finance Minister and every other minister you can think of) and is worth $30 billion.

Anyway, what I'm saying is it would cost a lot of money to deliver a galaxy.

That's providing you know where you're delivering to.

You can't very well stash it in your garage with your old fishing equipment and skis. And you can't fit it in your "Ebay room" (people have these apparently) no matter how hard you push.

In fact, with a diameter of 70 thousand light years you'd probably have to get rid of our own galaxy to get delivery of this one. Which means you and the rest of humanity would be dead and it probably wouldn't matter how cheap you bought it.

But lets get back to the advantages.

The galaxy could be populated. Which according to the advertisement makes you the official galactic dictator.

I don't think that even the most hapless dictator would be proud of a rulership existing from such a huge distance that his great-grandchildren may be dead years before anyone works out how the hell you get there without running out of either oxygen and/or combustible fuels.

I just hope the title is inheritable.

The galaxy even comes with a certificate of ownership. So you are the 'certified' galactic dictator. That's handy. Most dictators are certifiable.

Let's face it. You're buying a certificate and the domain name "GalaxyM81.com". Which for $15 perhaps that isn't so bad. It makes me think though, if we can sell things we can't deliver, the possibilities are endless.

Or should I say infinite.


See the original listing here.

technorati tags: ebay weird listings galaxy m81

WTF?!?!? I just stumbled on to a site about buttock augmentation.

Each week I spend at least an hour and a half, maybe more, often a lot less, on walking with hand weights.

And I find out that some people are paying money, that's right, thousands of dollars, to get a bigger butt.

Just eat more Sara Lee desserts!!

Stock up on choccies!

Throw away your Pilates equipment and books on yoga.

Switch to full fat lattes.

But, for the love of God, do not withdraw thousands of dollars from your savings account so you can have a larger ass.

Perhaps I could start a new craze.

I'll sell books, DVDs, and I'll even bring seminars to a town near you.

It will be called.

"The big butt diet"

People will go crazy. Ever since J-Lo came on the scene people have wanted bigger booties. Beyonce is another bum icon. Alicia Keys is getting there.

For only $49.95 I'll give you a DVD on how to avoid exercise (especially in the gluteal area!) and how to make friends with every deli owner in your neighbourhood.

I'll give you a special "butt expander pack" consisting of a large rubber band and a pointless lever. But I'll show J-Lo on the machine in the infomercial which will prove beyond a doubt that this thing really works.

And lastly, I'll hold personal development seminars so you can talk to your "inner butt" and find out why it hasn't been allowed to grow.

Just call 1880-BUTT-EXPANDER for further details
Cheques will not be honoured.

technorati tags: buttock augmentation plastic surgery J-Lo

Yesterday, the 13th of February 2008, the apology finally came.
For the first time in a long time, I am proud to be an Australian.

View the apology to Indigenous Australians delivered by Kevin Rudd in Federal Parliament :




AUSTRALIA'S APOLOGY

Today we honour the Indigenous peoples of this land, the oldest continuing cultures in human history.

We reflect on their past mistreatment.

We reflect in particular on the mistreatment of those who were Stolen Generations – this blemished chapter in our nation’s history.

The time has now come for the nation to turn a new page in Australia’s history by righting the wrongs of the past and so moving forward with confidence to the future.

We apologise for the laws and policies of successive Parliaments and governments that have inflicted profound grief, suffering and loss on these our fellow Australians.

We apologise especially for the removal of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children from their families, their communities and their country.

For the pain, suffering and hurt of these Stolen Generations, their descendants and for their families left behind, we say sorry.

To the mothers and the fathers, the brothers and the sisters, for the breaking up of families and communities, we say sorry.

And for the indignity and degradation thus inflicted on a proud people and a proud culture, we say sorry.

We the Parliament of Australia respectfully request that this apology be received in the spirit in which it is offered as part of the healing of the nation.

For the future we take heart; resolving that this new page in the history of our great continent can now be written.

We today take this first step by acknowledging the past and laying claim to a future that embraces all Australians.

A future where this Parliament resolves that the injustices of the past must never, never happen again.

A future where we harness the determination of all Australians, Indigenous and non-Indigenous, to close the gap that lies between us in life expectancy, educational achievement and economic opportunity.

A future where we embrace the possibility of new solutions to enduring problems where old approaches have failed.

A future based on mutual respect, mutual resolve and mutual responsibility.

A future where all Australians, whatever their origins, are truly equal partners, with equal opportunities and with an equal stake in shaping the next chapter in the history of this great country, Australia.

technorati tags: sorry apology indigenous australians stolen generation Kevin Rudd parliament

Whether you have a Commercial Mortgage or a residential mortgage you will probably be aware of all the Sub-Prime disasters in the US sending repercussions throughout the world's economies. In this article on mortgage holders debt, Katie Tucker from mortgage brokers Charcoal urges people to cut down now on the amount of money they owe on their mortgages. Interest rates in the UK have been cut so now is clearly the most sensible time to implement such a strategy. She also outlines the importance for those who have "interest only" mortgages to change their mortgage to capital repayment to take a chunk out of mortgage debt.

I got this camera around Christmas and had a ball finding out all the features and putting them to good use. One of my favourite features is the sepia mode, in which you can record a movie in sepia so it looks like one of those old newsreel movies. To do this my partner just walks really fast and blinks a lot. Then he waves and jerkily does a golf swing. He even pulled up his jeans to make plus fours to add to the authenticity. For those of you who aren't familiar with plus fours, here is an example:



The other settings include macro, beach, snow, foliage, nightshot and indoor. Now I am getting the hang of the settings I have realised that "foliage" is the best setting to use at the golf course. I wish I had been able to take it to the MFS Women's Australian Open because I could have got a number of great shots of Karrie Webb - she walked past me once, I watched her doing her practice putts and followed her round until we got tired and went to find a beer. We got tired by the 6th hole at Kingston Heath so I can't imagine how the players must have felt. We ended up sitting under a tree and enjoying the perfect view (4 metres away and in the shade!) of the 15th tee (pictured) and the 16th fairway. In the photo of the 15th tee, I would have been just to the right, a few metres away.





My partner went to get our beers so I sat under this shady tree and watched various players from Australia, Korea, England, Finland, Spain and Italy tee off with nobody else around. It was amazing, like I had my own box seat. When Karrie Webb arrived, so did the crowd, just as I was wondering where all the people had got to. Later I found out that I had been to the 2nd best golf course in Australia, and 21st in the world.

When I think about it, the golf course looked like no course I've ever been to. The greens were like felt and the fairways were like most greens I have putted on.

The light rough was like the fairways at Elsternwick Golf course:



and the rough was almost exactly like the fairways at Studley Park Golf Course.



Hehehe!

One of my favourite features on the camera is the macro setting. I spent a large portion of my holidays bent over small flowers and leaves, testing out the macro. I chose a couple of interesting subjects with which to do my experiments - (click to enlarge):







This flower was actually half the size of my fingernail, maybe smaller



Yes, I did a macro of a VB label. It looks even more refreshing close up.


I would definitely recommend this camera - it's reasonably priced at around $120 and does everything you are likely to be needing, unless of course you are a photography enthusiast, in which case you would have bought a digital SLR with lens attachments.

A great camera for taking holiday snaps, be it landscapes, people or places.


All photos except Kingston Heath taken by Canon Powershot A460

technorati tags: Canon powershot A640 golf

The Sedona Method is a form of personal development to increase happiness and peace. I suppose any method that increases feelings of peace and warmth is a good thing. I personally have tried quite a few methods, I am not professing to know The Sedona method as I have not really tried it. I took a look at the explanation video on the website, which can be found here: beingness presence awareness. I am interested in many facets of personal development, and I tend to have an open mind while trying out the various methods. I agreed with a concept in the film that describes how we have been trained to "not let go" of situations. It's funny that a lot of the personal development seminars and podcasts seem to point to the fact that a lot of people are learning the wrong things while growing up. It's interesting because many parents think they are doing the right thing and perhaps at this point in time a lot of people haven't found an alternate way to live life and teach others to find other ways to live as well. The site offers excerpts from the book "Happy for no reason" by Marci Shimoff and you can find a page on the historical information about the method, which was actually started back in the early 1970s. The site will also be offering a free DVD/CD.

This seems to keep happening to me. I ordered some more lip conditioning balm

spf 15 foundation




and lip plumping gloss



from eyeslipsface and when it arrived, the foundation was broken. I sent a simple email to their customer service section saying that the foundation was broken and whoops I also got the wrong colour so could I please have Tone 1 rather than Tone 2? I thought I might have been pushing it with the last request. So I waited, and a few days later I got a surprise. Not one but two Tone 1 foundations arrived, plus a super shimmery "hypershine" lip gloss in "fairy".



I am liking these guys...

Congratulations to Karrie Webb for winning the MFS Women's Australian Open 2008. Again!!

The tournament was held at Kingston Heath and I WAS THERE!!! Yep. That's right. I was so excited standing not more than a metre from Karrie Webb and her caddy. I could even read his yardage book and see the diagrams. I always wondered what it is that caddies say to the golfer before a shot.

I finally got my answer.

"Trust yourself." he said as Karrie lined up her tee shot.

Very Obi Wan.

And she did just that, winning in a playoff with Shin Ji-Yai. It was described as "tense". Tense!! I wasn't even there on the last day but I would not even get up to go to the loo until the playoff was over.

All I can say is...

Champion.

technorati tags: Karrie Webb MFS Australian Open Kingston Heath

Oobooy. My attention has been drawn to a rather interesting advertising proposal. I'm not even sure where to start with this.

The advertising space is not a billboard, not a TV or radio ad, but one guy's arm.

That's right. An arm.

For a mere $10,000 (US) you can tattoo your logo or slogan into history. Or at least a guy's arm. Who is this guy anyway? I mean I could probably understand buying tattoo space on Roger Federer's arm because you see it all the time on the major tennis championships. Or Tiger Woods, as long as he wears short sleeves. Or perhaps even Dave Grohl. But you know what? I don't think any of them would do it.

Why?

Because it's weird.

Imagine waking up with "Eat at Joe's" plastered across your forearm.

Or Intel. You could take a bad trip and think the aliens finally got to you.

How about an ad for Haemorrhoid cream? That could put funny ideas into your head. Like suggestive selling. Would you like fries with that? It's just a short jump away.

The most frightening thing is the "Buy It Now Price" (for the whole arm). A pinch at $100,000.00 US.

Honestly, it would take more than $100,000.00 to get rid of the shame and embarrassment of walking down the street with "National Herpes Foundation" tattooed on any visible part of my body.

So here's the deal. For 10 grand you only get a 2" x 4" space on an arm. And then you have to renew your contract or he gets the tattoo removed.

I know for a fact that you can buy a number of TV spots during the Australian Open for about $200,000.00 Even if you just bought half that you would surely reach more people than one guy who professes to walk around a lot.

And for the man himself, it's free PR. Hey, maybe I should charge 10 grand for advertising space.

Would you like haemorrhoids with that?

Check out the listing here.

technorati tags: weird ebay listings

I will come right out and say it. I am fantastic at choosing the horse that is most likely going to lose. Or the one that gets scratched just before the starting gate. Actually, that's not true, at the Melbourne Cup (I think it was 1997 - correct me if I'm wrong here!) I decided to bet on "Rogan Josh" because of my inate knowledge of horses and intricate system for choosing the winning nag. Okay, that's nonsense, I chose it because I like curry. But that's not really that weird. I mean some people choose numbers, or jockey colours, or they choose by trainer or sometimes by the jockey. That reminds me, I actually saw Damien Oliver at the 6th at Elsternwick Golf Course. He was riding a motorbike (not a horse!) and he asked my partner and I if I had seen his mobile phone as he had lost it. We hadn't, but two days later he came second in the Melbourne Cup. I should have been paying attention. If I had given a thought to online betting I would found out just how easy it is. Betfair makes it easy and convenient to bet on the horse racing whenever you get the inspiration. It's quick and easy to join and you can put a bet on straight away. You can see today's races at a glance, and because you can see the next race coming up, you'll never have to miss a race. All of which would have been handy for me in this instance. Instead, I just watched the race on TV and went "dang" for the missed opportunity. So there you go folks, learn from my mistakes.

Bush High Definition Set Top Box

Oh yes. It will be mine.

I entered the local Dick Smith outlet armed with $130 cash and a few simple questions. Today was the day. I would get the High Definition set top box and open up a new world of extra golf (EXTRA GOLF!!! Haahahaha! Hee hee!) tournaments and movies on the new TenHD channel. It was all so simple.

Or so I thought. The sales girl walked into view and asked if I was being served.

Me: Hi, I'd like to buy a Bush High Definition set top box.

Sales Girl: Nup. Sold out.

Me: Okay, do you know where I can get one?

Sales Girl: Nup. They're all sold out. You can't get them anywhere.

Me: Anywhere?

Sales Girl: (sarcastically) If you want to spend $399 then you might get one.

Me: Hmm. What about the website then? Can you get one there?

Sales Girl: Nup.

(doesn't this girl know any more words?)

Me: No?

Sales Girl: Nup.

Me: (slowly) Could you check it for me?

Sales Girl: (grunts and logs onto the website on the screen in front of her) There. Nup. You can't get it on the website either.

Me: Really? That's weird.

Sales Girl: Yep. It's a web only offer.

Me: Hang on, doesn't that mean I actually can get it from the website?

Sales Girl: (confused) Oh. Yeah.

(snakes alive! She's worked something out!)

Me: (exasperated) Fine. And can you use a High Definition set top box with a normal TV?

Sales Girl: Nup, you need a brand new TV.

Me: That's weird, I've read that you can use it with a normal TV.

Sales Girl: Nup. (Computer says no)

Me: Thanks. (walks out, with sales girl glaring in my direction)

I decided to stop wasting my time at the front desk and called Dick Smith technical support.

Me: Hi, I'm going to buy a Bush HD set top box from the website. Can you please tell me if it can connect to a normal TV?

Tech Support Guy: Yes, no problem.

Me: Do I need a special cable?

Tech Support Guy: The yellow, white and red one will do. You probably already have one.

Me: Yes, I think I do. So that's it? I can get the the HD channels?

Tech Support Guy: Yes, they won't be in full HD because of your TV set but you'll get all the new channels.

Me: (stunned silence - that's it?) Okay thanks.


Why? Why did that girl insist on working in customer service? She could be just as happy as a parking inspector.

"I'm sorry, I was just dropping off some dry cleaning. Can't you give me a break this time?"

"Nup."

technorati tags: Bush HD set top box Dick Smith

I was very sad to hear this morning that Heath Ledger was found dead this afternoon (US time) in a Manhattan apartment. A great Australian actor and a huge loss. RIP Heath.

technorati tags: Heath Ledger

Coffee. It's everywhere. Wafting from the booth at the train station. Steaming out of cafes and restaurants. It's easy to imagine yourself as one of those cartoon characters following the trail of coffee smells with your arms outstretched and eyes half closed. And so it comes that I am reviewing a site that reviews shopping offers on all things coffee. Coffee Reviews is for lovers of coffee and online shopping hounds like myself. The aim of the site is to gather the best "Coffee of the Month Club" offers together in one place so you can check out the offers and see if they are for you.

If you are a fan of Boca Java coffee or Gevalia Coffee, you might be following your nose to the site. The Boca Java offers include 4 bags of coffee and an itunes card for $13.90 (does not include shipping and handling), buy 2 bags and get 2 bags free for $12.00 (not including shipping & handling), free self-stirring mugs and cookies with a purchase of 4 bags of Boca Java, a one-pot coffee maker and a free "time" mug (complete with clock!).

Note: If you make a purchase you are actually joining a "Coffee of the Month Club" which means that after paying for the offer + shipping and handling you will be sent 2 bags of coffee every 4 weeks until you say "stop".

The site claims you are able to quit on the same day you ordered if you are just interested in the initial free offer. Please read the offers carefully because some customers have commented on the high shipping charge of some items - it's important to always check these details before committing to buy.

There are opportunities to leave comments on the site to share your experiences so theoretically the more reviews and comments, the more informative the site will become. I'll be interested to see how it goes in the future.



Important Note: This has been a paid review. This does not mean I am paid to have an opinion that pleases others. My review contains my own observations about the subject matter - both positive and negative. The review may contain criticism, suggestions and comments of my own choosing. See disclosure policy for more details.

Hi everyone, so sorry I haven't posted for some time, I have been overwhelmed, inundated and just plain busy. All this while on holidays!! Now I'm going away again so if I don't post for a while don't be too surprised! I hope everyone had a brilliant Christmas and New Year (I did!!) and I will of course be back to show off my new gadgets and gizmos and all the trials and tribulations of online shopping....


BTW, has anyone had a problem with their Google Page Rank? Mine went from a 4 to a 3 without so much as a warning!?!?!?! Grrrr!!!

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