It started happening last week. A mysterious phenomenon in which I proceeded to go "beep" every time I passed through a security barrier. Supermarkets, Chemists, you name it, I went "beep".

I searched my mind for the cause of this sudden anomaly.

Well, I say searched...I actually spent a lot of time saying to suspicious checkout staff:

"It's okay! I went beep when I went in!"

Strangely, this has been quite sufficient as an explanation. Had I been an actual shoplifter this would have been quite a dastardly plan...

"I went beep when I went in! It's okay!" (with a bag stuffed full of...well...I'm not really sure what. Why would someone want to rob a supermarket? Unless you're really into groceries - perhaps extremely hungry?!?)

Another thing recently occurred to me - the security barriers don't seem to pick up on actual groceries. I know this beacuse I bought an item at one supermarket, then later in the day realised I needed something from another supermarket from the same chain (eg. Coles). I brought in that very bag with my item inside (with the receipt in the bag, of course!) - and nothing. The machine didn't go beep.

These machines are however brilliant at detecting people who have bought a C5 notebook and have forgotten to remove the packaging.

Yep, that's right - mystery solved. I forgot to take the plastic off my little notebook and it happened to contain something very similar to this:












I remember I went for an entire year going "beep" without realising that the nivea moisturiser in my bag had one of these silver microchip whatchamadoodles stuck to it.

It got me in quite a bit of bother when I tried to fly overseas. Luckily one of the security staff took pity on me. It was quite obvious that I was not armed and was quite clueless as to why I went "beep". I actually started to think that I may have swallowed something metal. Had I been a conspiracy theorist I would have thought aliens had given me an implant... or replaced my brain with liquid metal like that guy in Terminator 2...

Anyway, go figure. These supermarkets might want to recalibrate their machines.

technorati tags: shopping

Aaargh!!!

Watch out for this one. I clicked on it. It got me. Now I have probably given over my soul to the Evil God of Spam.

technorati tags: spam ebay powerseller

I think I'm getting back on track with my shopping exploits. After a number of weeks of nail-biting (being an Ebay seller is not for the faint of heart), the buyer responded that the item finally arrived. Phew! You know, I don't think I'll try that again for a while. Sometimes I think it's a good idea and I get all optimistic about selling stuff on Ebay, and then the reality hits when I have to buy stamps, postpacks, send stuff with the unpredictable Australia Post and... pray.

So I'm in the clear. Yippee!! Now I can get back to my "buy one item of clothing per week" plan. It's a great plan and it's been working really well so far. It also makes me more likely to eject clothing I have not worn for over 5 years. I think that's probably a sign.

You know, the dress you wore to that wedding and now don't have a use for? (is that bad English? I think SMS texting is messing with my syntax).

And the pair of shoes you wore to that job you hated (or is that just me? Sometimes I get the impression that everyone else is blissfully happy and 'okay' with stuff. They are best of friends with their ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. They still talk to their old bosses that used to treat them like sh!t. They love everyone they went to High School with. I've got one thing to say to them. Bollocks.) But I digress. Again. Where was I?

Oh yes, getting rid of old clothes and making room for the new.

I found this pair of corduroy pants for 0.99c! Hee hee! And the postage was $5.20 so the total of $6.19 (if my maths serves me correctly)...




















They seriously arrived the day after I paid for them. So fast! I love it when that happens. It's like getting presents every week.

Can't wait to wash them and try them on... (always a good idea to wash these things - I tried on a top straight from the postpack and spent the rest of the afternoon sneezing with dust up my nose...)

technorati tags: clothes shop shopping ebay

If you don't believe me, check this out...

You can't delete your account - they keep your personal information. You are allowed to 'deactivate' your account but it won't be deleted - people can still send you friend requests and add you and whatever else the sh!t people do on Facebook, or the Matrix if you like - you are continually plugged in whether you like it or not.

So what is my experience of facebook?

I got lot of friend requests - wow! I must be so popular!

Except the friend requests were from people who I avoided, hated or didn't even talk to in High School.

Creepy guys who used to follow me around, or those bitchy girls who backstabbed me and hated my guts....made my life hell...

...want to be my FRIEND on facebook?

WTF!?!?!

I think Facebook obscures the reality that if you really liked these people you would be calling them and catching up. You would probably have their number already.

Oh, you think it helps people "get together" as the slogan says?

No, it helps F*CKING STALKERS find out your personal details.

NO THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

And legally, if you want to delete your account so you don't get stalked by that guy who would never leave you alone in High School, or Uni or whatever, YOU SHOULD HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO.

Oh, and not to mention people you just don't ever want to see again - like ex-boyfriends. Yep, they pop up WITH PHOTOS. Aarrgh!! The horror. That's right, if you happen to accept a friend request from a stalker friend from High School and they happen to belong to a group containing a bunch of weirdos including that pesky ex-boyfriend, then you pop up on his radar. Which is something that most of us don't want. Ever.


Here's a nice trick I learned from the comments on this blog - Create a new account with a new email address. Use another name but not one that is too 'out there'. Once you have activated your new account, change your email to the old email you used on Facebook in your original account. It will ask you to confirm you are going to delete all the info associated with this email address.

Say yes.

Then deactivate that account and opt out of emails. I hope this worked for me - I just tried it today. If this doesn't work you can try emailing them and request that they delete your account. They may give you the runaround but persist and it should work.


Unplug from the Matrix.

Oh, and if anyone is reading this, it's a warning. Don't sign up. And if you want a good scare, read their privacy policy.

Facebook are evil and deserve to be shut down.

technorati tags: Facebook Evil

I wish I was joking, I really do.

The tofu arrived, it was named "deep fried five spicy tofu".

It looked nice enough, it tasted pretty good, but you know what? When I got to the last piece of tofu, SOMETHING was hanging from its edge.

I examined the something.

It was a hair.

Short.

Curly.

Coarse.


AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The images that ran through my mind. That are still running through my mind. There was of course only one way for it to get there.

Oh God, the humanity.


When I told the lady at the cash register, she rolled her eyes as if to say "not again" and thanked me profusely.


Hang on....you mean to say this isn't the first time?


I will never eat there again.

I should have asked for a refund.

And a mint.

technorati tags: tofu restaurant pubic hair