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Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Hell is a Multi Storey Shopping Centre

Today I tried once more to delve into the world of human shopping. Perhaps it would be quaint, that old world touch, brown paper packages tied up with string, old Mr Gibbons selling candy canes in the hand made sweet shop...

The behemoth of the multi-storey shopping centre loomed above me, taunting me, daring me to go inside...

"We have everything you need here. Join us..."

(say in Dark Lord of the Sith voice)

After 2.7 minutes of being in the shopping centre, the walls were beginning to close in. This place pretty much sucks. There really is no other way of putting it.

So I decided as a home furnishing expedition, I would buy some fabric for some curtains. Simple, yes?


Me (approaching the service desk at a well known and unnamed fabric store)
"Hi, I'm looking for some fabric, it's..."

"The fabric counter is THAT way." The 'customer service' girl points and sulks.

"Ok, thanks."

So I suppose the term "service desk" was some kind of decoy. A fabric shop with a service desk that doesn't help with fabric questions. Perhaps it was the button department.

I found the fabric I needed without any assistance from staff.

Then I took my fabric to the cutting desk.

"I'd like to cut this to approximately the size of a double bed. Do you know how long that would be?"

Cutting desk girl: "About 180cm."

"Okay, and it's how much per metre?"


"Okay, I'll get 2 metres, thanks."

She began to cut, carefully trimming the fabric in a straight line. She kept on cutting, trimming another piece. Hm, perhaps they cut in 1 metre bits, I thought.

"That will be 75.96"

"How much?


"For two metres?"

"Four metres."

"I asked for two metres."

She sighed, then glared at me.

"You said four metres."

"No, really, I asked for two metres."

Still glaring "Oh, and you just stood there and let me cut another piece?" Her aggression was palpable.

My hackles, feckles and any other ekles were well and truly up.
I gathered all my thoughts into one phrase.

....."Excuse me?" Stare....

She backed down a little. "Well, I thought you said four metres."

"No, I said two."

"That will be 37.98"

"Thank you."

Thus endeth the lesson. I will not be doing any more Christmas shopping in shopping centres, as they suck my will to live and make me want to kick in the Christmas decorations. I have decided that the frenetic and rather narky energy of shopping centres is detrimental to my Christmas spirit.

From now on I will be doing all my Christmas shopping on my new favourite online shopping sites.

With any luck I will preserve my remaining cheer in time for Christmas.


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