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Tuesday, September 18, 2007


Feel like crap. Don't know why. I presume Mercury is in retrograde but I can't be sure. Or perhaps it was the lunar eclipse. I don't know. I need cheering up and shopping just isn't going to do it today. I need silly.

I know I bagged out Dean Koontz recently but something he wrote in "Midnight" has ironically come back to haunt me. The character in the book has three things that keep him alive (ie. stopped him from ending it all)

1. Guinness
2. Good Mexican Food
3. Goldie Hawn

I've just noticed they all start with "G" but that's probably just a coincidence.

The character in the novel repeats these three things like a mantra when things get bleak. Well, things are bleak. I need my own list. Might be a bit longer though.

1. Good Italian Food. Quite partial to Mexican and Indian food also. And Chinese. And Greek...okay I'm running out of room here.

2. Father Ted - you just can't buy this sort of comedy. Forget "The Office", "Little Britain", all that stuff. This is the real deal. Sheesh! It's like listening to Nirvana after a day of listening to Good Charlotte and Sum 41.

3. Beavis & Butthead - Bunghole! bunghole! bunghole! Lake Titicaca! Sometimes I wonder if all of us don't have a little Beavis & Butthead inside. Or is that just me? Actually it probably is just me. I still make Year 10 jokes. And laugh.

4. This little guy is called the "Slender Loris". Doesn't he look kind of annoyed? Maybe he has little man complex. Or perhaps he's plotting to take over the world, either way he's very cute!!

5. Steptoe & Son - they could discover old DVDs of this show in 100 years and it will probably still be funny then! "You dirty old man!"

6. Good books - ie. Patricia Cornwell, reading a bit of Thomas Harris recently, Stephen King, Shirley MacLaine, Michael Crichton is pretty good too, if I'm in a nerdy mood. What am I saying? I'm always in a nerdy mood!

7. A good film. Gordon Bennett! (sorry, still thinking about Steptoe & Son) Is it that hard to find a good film? I nearly committed videocide when I saw "The Lady in the Water" by M. Night Shammy Man. Good grief. What a load of horse bollocks. Don't get me wrong, I loved "The Sixth Sense", it was great. But seriously, who let him do this one?

All time great films - Die Hard (even though I saw Bruce Willis on an interview and he is a kind of gun-toting card-carrying Republican Global Warming Skeptic. I'll let that slide for now. Because it's a good film. Seriously, though, his political analysis is so bizarre. Kind of like GWB.)

Star Wars - Okay, I'm obviously going to need to clarify here - I mean Episode IV - A New Hope, Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back, Episode VI - Return of the Jedi. The new ones? I don't know. Is it a Y-Gen thing? I didn't get it. All set and no action. Blah! I didn't hate Episode III - Return of The Sith. That was ok. Still not as good as the ones made first...that are the later episodes. Good grief.

by the way, if you want to see something funny, check out the machine translation effort here:
Episode III - The Backstroke of the West

In a chase scene, one of the pilots says:
"They're all over me" which somehow translates to "He is in my behind"

You get the idea.

That brings me to another favourite of mine - direct Chinese to English translations. I don't know why it's so funny but it always brings tears to my eyes. My sister sent me this picture when she was in China. I know what they meant but really... there must be a more dignified way....

Oh yeah, other good films. Hmmm. Bit thin on the ground at the moment. Good TV shows - "Curb Your Enthusiasm". If you don't think this show is funny then...well I don't know.
Larry David is a genius. There. I said it.

I think....

I think I'm starting to feel just a tiny bit better.

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